The Nerd Blitz: The 1st Anniversary

I have no plans for this (except 1 thing I need to say), I really just want to mark the day.
So please forgive me if I start to ramble a bit, I’ll try to keep it short.

Holy hell…WE DID IT!!!
Today, April 16 2017, is the anniversary of the launch of one of my favorite things in the world to do!
3 shows, 26 (it’s 29 if you count the 3 .5s) Episodes of the flagship show, 11 Eps of Book Club, and 2 Eps of Commentaries.
A total of 42 releases, 61 hours, 59 minutes, and 35 seconds of FREE Nerd Blitz content!

I’m not sure about Fitz (more about him in a bit), but I was wondering if we’d make it to this milestone.
I’ve heard over the years that if you can make it past 10 episodes you just might make it, we’ve had 2 shows hit that and keep right on going.

Now for thanks!
@theJSarge for our musicy parts, intro and pimp spot, and for guesting twice!
@ShariSayz for doing our 2 logos for us!
@thejeccanator for doing those promo images of the lovely @peltier_logan (see above), and hopefully for future collaborations!
To @TESDGroupie & @BatKat37 for helping us out with the Book Club intro!
Thanks all for sharing your talents and patience with us.
Thank you to @SteBoost for providing my mic that makes it all possible.
Also thank you to everybody who has ever listened and enjoy an ep of any of our 3 shows.
Hope you stick around for more.

And the last thank you goes to my co-host, @Fitzman73.
Thanks for puttng up with (and sometimes encouraging) my insanity for the last year and helping me get through it.
You have made dreams come true for me in the last year, and I appreciate it everyday, brother.
I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as I have.

Help us out by subscribing to us where ever you get pods (and leave a review), check out NerdBlitz.com, be sure to follow us on twitter @NerdBlitzPod, subscribe to us on YouTube for lots of great exclusive content (including every current episode of all 3 shows) Nerd Blitz On YouTube, show us your support by getting some merch redbubble.com/people/nerdblitzpod/shop, and don’t forget we have paid content (including our audio drama and 4 bonus pods in total) over at our BandCamp page TSDJAProductions.bandcamp.com.

Share this post on Twitter with the Hashtag #NerdBlitz

The world is often times a shitty place.
Do everything in your power to change that, even if only in a small way.
We need it now more than ever.

Thanks for reading, hope to see you back here soon.

For Lovers Only

Hey gang, welcome back.
Not too much set-up this time.
But I should say I had set a target date of Feb 10th to post this so it would have been slightly more timely, so please don’t hold it against me.

Much like the main character, I have always hated this “holiday”.
This is just my funny little way of showing it.


Without further ado, I hope you enjoy For Lovers Only…

I have never liked Valentine’s Day, even going back to when I was a kid.
Even back then, I could see that it was a greeting card manufactured celebration created solely to boost profits between Christmas and Easter.
I can’t tell you how many great relationships were ruined simply because of my intense dislike of this so called holiday.
Meet a great girl, have a few dates, form a decent bond, then she’d bring up V-Day and drop me like a dumpling into broth.

But my wife was different.
8 years ago when I met Emily, she got it.
She never agreed with my distaste for the day, but she accepted it and loved me anyway.
We came to an agreement before we took the plunge, that for my sake and sanity her sacrifice would be that we wouldn’t celebrate or even acknowledge the existence of Valentine’s Day.
My sacrifice for her was that for the rest of the year, no matter what, I had to watch any schmoozey romantic crap movie she wanted every Thursday night.
Now, if I’m honest, it wasn’t all that tough for me.
Most of those movies got her so fired up I’d end up getting laid anyway.
It was a hard sacrifice to make, but I’m just that much of a loving husband.

But that all changed last year, when on her birthday (January 7th) we got an invitation to a Valentine’s Day party from some client she’d handled at work.
The invitation read

***For Lovers Only***
You and your sweetheart are cordially invited to a special costume party on St. Valentine’s Day.
You and a few others have been selected from dozens of Mr. Vincent’s associates to attend this exclusive gathering for a night of romance you and that special someone are not soon to forget.
PLEASE RSVP BY FEBRUARY 2nd
The Night: February 14
The Time: 5:00 pm

The final line gave an address up in the hills and the number to RSVP.

We’d never gotten into arguements as heated as we did over this, it took Emily until January 30th to finally wear me down and convince me to go with her.
She called immediately before I could change my mind.

The big day came, the costume she picked was a breath taking kitten costume (that I couldn’t wait to rip off of her, again) and went as a lion tamer (which was basically just khaki cargo pants, a plain button up shirt, and a whip) just to stick with her theme.
We drove the hour and a half up the hill to this mansion that looked straight out of Clue or something.
Huge wrought iron gates that had an ornate stylized V in the center, beautifully manicured lawn and hedges, a giant fountain in the middle of the driveway, clearly Mr. Vincent was insanely well off.
We drove up to the little speaker box, pushed the button, there was a buzz, and the gates parted.
We were let in without a word.
We circled the fountain and climbed out of the car, there were 3 more ahead of ours.

Enormous pillars framed the great oak door that had lion’s head knockers that we used.
The little 5×3 inch peep hole on the door swung open and a shakey old voice said “To enter this home you must prove your love.” we glanced at each other then back at the pair of eyes staring at us through the hole in the door.
I shrugged and kissed Emily on the cheek, she giggled.
“No, not good enough.
Prove your love!” he replied.
I looked at him again, she turned to me and kiss her right on the lips, she even kicked her left leg up behind her for emphasis.
“Not good enough.
Final chance to prove your love.”
By this point, I was frustrated and snapped back “Jesus christ, do you want me to fuck her against the fountain so you can watch you old pervert?”
That earned me a playful slap on my half bare chest.
This time I grabbed her arms, closed my eyes, and pushed my tongue into her mouth.
She slid her hands into my shirt and scratched her nails across my ribs, a little moan rumbled in her throat.
The peep hole slapped shut, snapping us immediately out of the moment we’d been forced into and gotten lost in.
We stood there in silence for nearly 10 seconds, my frustration and anger at even being there was building to a breaking point when finally the door slowly started to swing open.
We were greeted to a man who looked older than some mummified corpses.
He swept his arm out, inviting us in.
As we stepped over the threshold, I glanced at him and said “Get your jollies there, Jeeves?” earning myself another slap.

As we waited for him to close the door and show us where to go, we stopped to take in our surroundings.
The foyer was dark, lit only by a giant candle filled crystal chandelier, with walls that were dark wood with intricate carvings I couldn’t make out.
The floor was black marble, veined with streaks of white.
And the staircase was intimidating as hell in it’s grandeur.
The thought crossed my mind that Em may have undersold Mr. Vincent’s wealth.

Lurch’s great great grandfather shuffled up behind us and started herding us into another dimly lit room off the right side of the foyer, a dining room that looked like a mini version of the foyer with a long table surrounded by high backed chairs set for 11.
3 couples were already seated across from each other, in costumes ranging in effort.
We were instructed to do the same before the withered old fellow left us with these 6 strangers.
We all sat there with our hands in our laps in a painful silence, occasionally broken by an awkward throat clearing.
I glanced at my watch, 7 minutes past 5.
Soon after, the lights slowly came up and I looked at Emily, who shrugged.
She’d told me Vincent had a flair for the dramatic and theatrical, but this was really getting to be a bit much.

There was a barely audible little “Kssss” sound and one of the wood panels sunk back into the wall and slide away revealing a middle aged man in an expertly tailored black suit with a near blindingly red tie standing at the bottom of a hidden staircase.
He stepped out, leaning on a black cane topped in a crystal handle as the panel closed behind him.
He walked to the head of the table.
Clearly he didn’t need the cane, but it was a good prop for his entrance.
Emily stood up and said “Mr. Vincent, what a pleasure to see you again.
You have a beautiful home.”
Everybody else stood as she was speaking.
He smiled at her, looked at everybody in turn, extended his arms and indicated for us all to take our seats.

Another “kssss” as his chair at the head of the table slide back and he sat down.
A third, louder, “Ksssss” filled the room as all of our chairs, including his, slide up to the table, practically pinning us all in our seats.
Mr. Vincent placed his hands, palms down, on the table and cleared his throat.
“Only 4?
Tsk, such a shame.” he said with a smile after a long pause.
I was getting the feeling the others were just as uncomfortable as I was getting.
Heads were swiveling more regularly now, looking for any hint of understanding in the other guests.
“Mr. Vincent, I’d like to introduce my lovely…” one of the other men started, he trailed off as Vincent slowly shook his head.
“I know all of you and your spouses quite well, I assure you.
What I don’t know is just how well you know them, but more on that later.
First, food, drink, then we can get to the fun I have planned for you all.” Vincent said as he rang a bell.
That sense of unease in my stomach was only growing.

Responding to the bell, a flurry of activity exploded around us as servers brought out our meal.
Each of us was served something different, all looked to be soups or stews, and none of it looked particularly appetizing.
What I’d gotten looked like some sort of cross between beef mushroom soup and chocolate pudding.
Mr. Vincent and his staff all stared on expectantly, waiting for all, or any, of us to try our dishes.
“Please, enjoy your meals.
They’ve been specially prepared for each of you.” the head chef strangely proclaimed.
Emily looked across to me, smiled, and got that intense look in her eye that told me to follow her lead as she picked up her spoon.
Seeing us, the other couples did the same.
Em broke the surface of her bowl first and took a big slurp, followed by an equally big “Mmmmm”.
As the room filled with more slurps, I took a little sip of mine.
My tongue was assaulted by an acidic bombardment of some of the strangest flavors I’ve ever had the misfortune of tasting, that ended with the oddest tingling burn.

Vincent sat unmoving as a statue, his bowl still untouched while we all ate.
He looked to his chef and nodded, the entire staff cleared the bowls, whether they were emptied or not, and left us to sit again in the painful utter silence.
Occasionally there was the clearing of a throat, but mostly we all awkwardly looked at each other, and I was wondering in what way this was supposed to be romantic.
“So, Mr. Vincent, how has business been, sir?” asked one of the other husbands, clearly desperate to break the incredibly strange silence.
Vincent’s head slowly turned to the man and his lips parted “Let’s not talk shop, let’s talk about the purpose of this day, romance!
You know, my dearly departed wife loved this holiday…” I rolled my eyes “…she would always tell me “It’s a day for lovers only, pumpernickel. To put aside everything else and love deeply”.
She felt every couple needed a day like this to themselves, a day to be together and appreciate one another.
It’s a nice thought.” he finished.
The wife of the man who’d spoken before uttered the strangest question I could imagine “That is so sweet, Mr. Vincent.
How long has you wife been gone?”
“27 years ago, she was murdered on the evening of Valentine’s Day.” he told her with a pained expression.
“In our own bed, by a mad man.”
Looking back, I realize that question was probably the turning point, the moment we all should have quietly left and not looked back.

That brought back the awkward quiet for a few moments.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” the woman whispered after a long pause.
“How could you?
You don’t know me at all, I’ve only had dealings through work with your husband.
Think nothing of it.” he reassured her.
The husband of another woman asked to be excused to the restroom and pushed his chair back with that strange “Kssss”.
Vincent said we’d continue when he rejoined us, and he quickly, the same sound accompanied his chair butting back up to the table, clearly some hydraulic mechanism at work.
Vincent turned to Emily’s side of the table and asked “Why are you all here?”
They looked at each other and all replied at the same time with some form of the same answer of “Because you invited us”.
“Ah” he said, nodding.
“Up until our very last year, my wife and I spent every single Valentine’s Day together, expressing our love for one another.
Every year.
Then that final year, there was an emergency at work, I had to leave early at 7 in the morning.
I didn’t want too and she didn’t want me too, but she understood the gravity of the situation.
So I left, I spent 13 grueling hours fixing the problem and finally was able to come home.”

At the time I thought I’d imagined it, but while he was talking all of our chairs pushed even closer to the table, this time literally trapping us in place.
He continued “I got home at just after 9 that evening, and the house was as silent as the grave.
The entire staff must have gone home for the evening because none answered my calls.
I walked upstairs to still more silence.
I crept apprehensively down the hall toward our bedroom, once I reached it I heard soft indistinct music from behind the door.
I reached down, turned the knob, and saw a most horrific sight.”

He stopped to take a sip from his glass, letting his words hang in the air.
Owning the room.
Finally one of the other wives piped in “is that when you found her body?” and Mr. Vincent buried his head in his hands.
His shoulders slowly raised and lowered, it looked like he was sobbing.
He stopped, and after about a half minute he slapped his hands on the table.
“I opened the door and found her flat on her back, legs in the air, with our gardener between them!
They didn’t know I’d entered until I slammed the door shut and locked it.
He jumped up and started running around grabbing his clothes.
I walked to the dresser, grabbed my revolver and went back to the door.
She tried feeding me some bullshit story about it being an accident, but I wasn’t hearing that.
I looked at him and then to her and told them, quite simply and calmly, “finish”.
They tried to refuse, until I put the gun against his skull.
Again, I simply said “finish”.
I sat in a chair next to the bed with my gun trained on them and watched as they nervously continued.
I could see his breath quickening and told him I wanted to see him finish.
He looked over at me with a mix of fear, desperation, and humiliation.
I stood and cocked the gun and told him “do it”.
He did.
And as soon as he did I pulled the trigger, firing 2 bullets into the right side of his head, my wife screamed a blood curdling scream.
I shot her in her left knee, this time she screamed “WHY?!?!?” as blood poured from her leg.

We all stared on in horror as he told us his chilling tale.
“Why would you commit such a disgisting act?” Emily asked him, clearly pained and disgusted.
“Have none of you been paying attention?
I’d known she’d been sleeping with him for months, that wasn’t the problem.
No, but the fact that she would sleep with him in our own bed on Valentine’s Day was too much.
I was a fool and left for work, and I’ll soon be punished for it.
But Valentine’s Day is for lover’s only!
No distractions, no interference!” he spouted, his voice escalating.
He pointed his old bony finger at Emily’s side of the table and bellowed “YOU FOUR ARE NO BETTER THAN MY WIFE.
TODAY, YOU SHOULD ALL BE HOME WITH YOUR SPOUSES…” he jerked a thumb to my side of the table “…BUT INSTEAD YOU’RE HERE, IN HOPES OF FURTHERING YOUR CAREERS.” he stopped and gathered his breath before finishing.
“And you’re all going to be punished for it.”

We all tried pushing our chairs back and found we were indeed trapped, Mr. Vincent cackled a harsh gaspy laugh.
“You’re not leaving yet.
You’ve put yourselves above love just like I did, and that can’t be allowed today.”
He tapped a button on his chair and everybody on my side of the table began shaking, we were being electrocuted.
It was without question the most physical pain I’d ever felt.
When it stopped I could hear screams mixed with sobs from the other side of the table begging for it to stop and that gaspy laugh again.
“Silence, all of you.
There is still time for redemption, but you must earn it.” he wheezed.
He looked to the side of the table his associates were sitting on and told them “Each of your soups were prepared with a different type of poison which will take effect in less than…” he glanced at a clock behind him “…40 minutes by my count.
In that time, you must prove your love to survive and leave my home.”
The screams from both sides of the table were deafening.
Vincent pressed his button and we were all shocked.
“Your anger will only hasten your collective demise.” he said as he took his finger off the button.

Over the next 20 minutes he asked us all manner of questions in a twisted bout of Match Game.
It was sick and unreal.
Matching answers got each couple closer to getting their antidote.
The couple closest to him didn’t get a single question right, the husband ended up choking on his own vomit while Vincent electrocuted his horrified wife.
The couple next couple got 1 question each wrong and got their antidote served to them on a silver tray.
The couple next to us were split, the husband gave wrong answers to all of the questions posed to him, while the wife got all but 1 correct.
She got her antidote while he got shocked to death.

It was our turn, and panic was setting in for me.
Em and I were both sweating when we locked eyes.
Vincent asked us question after question, we both were doing pretty well until about halfway through our turn when my beautiful wife’s nose started to bleed, a sign of the poison beginning to work.
That was when she lost her train of thought and started answering wrong.
My heart broke watching her lose her mental footing.
Her breath quickened and I knew she was slipping.
“STOP!
Please, just give her the antidote and take me.” I screamed at Vincent as she started coughing blood.
“Those aren’t the rules, boy.” He told me.
“If she had only cared more for you than her career, you’d both be free.”
He asked her 1 more question, she looked at Vincent then at me, a single tear rolled down her cheek as she started to shake, foam forming at the corners of her mouth.
“I love you.” were her last words as she began to choke.
Foam poured from her lips and down her neck, eyes and nose bleeding…she died.
I cried out as her head slumped, face slamming into the table.

The final couple didn’t get any questions, the one on Emily’s side died painfully just after she had and Vincent shocked the one next to me.
I don’t remember much about that couple because I was in shock.
Vincent looked at us survivors, while poking at the right arm of his throne like chair, and said “You survivors, you remaining few…you’re free to go.
But do remember the lesson I have tried to impart here tonight.”
“You’re dead, Vincent.” I stated coldly.
He opened a little compartment on the right arm of his chair while he pressed a button on the left arm, that tell tale “kssss” sounded as all of the chairs pulled back from the table, and he looked at me.
“I know, boy.” he said as I stood up and started towards him.
He pulled a gun from the compartment and placed it under his chin.
Before I could get to him, he pulled the trigger.
The top of his head exploded in a red mist.
Eyes, nose, and mouth all gushed fountains of blood as his hand and shoulders slumped, head rolling to to the side.
One of the women screamed and ran to her car, I tamped down my anger at him and ran to Emily’s side.
The next thing I remember the mansion was crawling with cops and EMTs trying to figure out what had happened.

All of us and Vincent’s staff were interviewed, most of the cooking staff admitted to their part in the horrors of the evening and were charged.
Myself and the other survivors sued Vincent’s estate and got a sizable settlement, which, though it helps, hasn’t dulled the pain one bit in the last year.
I really didn’t like it before, but since last year, and every year until I draw my last breath, I will hate this day.
My beautiful Emily…I love you, and miss you…always…

Share this post on Twitter with the hashtags #ForLoversOnly & #TSDJAProductions.


Special thanks to @nomi28572, @Fitzman73, @_13Chris, & @BatKat37 for reading, providing inspiration, notes on this story.

If you dug this, show your support for TS-D/JA Productions by checking out the bonus audio content on our BandCamp page at TSDJAProductions.Bandcamp.com or by getting yourself some merch at http://www.redbubble.com/people/nerdblitzpod/works/25338248-kneel-before-doom?asc=t.

And finally, as we all know, the world is a rough place these days.
Do anything in your power to spread a little bit of kindness, we could all use a bit more of it.

Thanks for reading, I hope to see back here soon.

The Camping Trip Begins And Playing Catch Up

One of the things I originally intended to do with this site was keep anybody who cared about the stuff I’ve done up to date on anything I do outside of the videos and such, so this here is a list of shtuff I’ve been up to this year.
As this is the 1 year anniversary of the day I started writing The Camping Trip, seems a good day to catch you all up.

The 1st thing on this list was originally set to be published on July 13th, to announce the availability of The Camping Trip, but due to phone trouble that wasn’t possible.
Anyway, here it is now.

​It’s all been leading up to this!
What started with boredom on May 27th 2013, has grown into this release.

December 26th 2015 – June 26 2016

6 months to the day, that’s how long it took from the moment I started writing my half of The Camping Trip to the moment that @Fitzman73 finished editing and doing the effects.

Now, as of July 13th, it’s out in the the world for just $5, find it here.
That $5 gets you the hour and a half audio drama feature and the near 2 hour bonus episode of @NerdBlitzPod.
And if you dig it, we also have posters available for only $5 as well, you can get them right here.

Then in October I got together with the good sir @FlyinKDW and recorded episode 6 of his podcast The Cult Of Dave.
We talked a bit about The Camping Trip, The Lion King, Aliens, and I even Special Edition of Doom’s Joke Corner!

Then this month (December) I hung out with@SquishyNosInc for episode 32 of his pod Always Bet On Geek.
He and I talked about wrestling, titties, wrestling titties, a bit of Scooby-Doo, and a bunch of other shit.

To hear my episodes of both of these shows you can check out this SoundCloud playlist I made, or go to ITunes or Stitcher.

In November, on the 7th, the good sir Fitz and I released our 2nd Bandcamp project, The Nerd Blitz Pilot Trio.
It’s Pilots for 3 shows that we hope to be able to launch soon (the 1st of which has launched already, but more on that in just a little while).
1st up is The Nerd Blitz Book Club, where we read the short story Star Wars: Kindred Spirits by Christie Golden (which is a prequel to our 1st Book Club book).
The 2nd show is The Nerd Blitz Comic-Con…Versations, where we read the Marvel Comic Star Wars: C-3PO: The Phantom Limb.
The 3rd and final Pilot is The Nerd Blitz Commentaries, where we watched The Star Wars Holiday Special.
Also included is a short little intro.
That is over 3 and a half hours of content available right here for just $4.

The final bit of business to tell you about, as mentioned above, is the launch of our 2nd bi-weekly podcast (which makes us weekly content providers, yippee).
We officially launched The Nerd Blitz Book Club on December 3rd with our 1st 2 episodes.
This 1st 19 episode series will cover Star Wars: Dark Disciple by Christie Golden.
You can find the Episodes on NerdBlitz.com, ITunes, Stitcher, or all in 1 SoundCloud playlist right here.

Share this post on Twitter with the hashtags #TSDJAProductions, #TheCampingTrip, #NerdBlitz, & #NerdBlitzBookClub

If you dug this and would like to show your support for TS-D/JA Productions, check out the Bandcamp page mentioned above at http://TSDJAProductions.Bandcamp.com or check out some Nerd Blitz merch at https://www.redbubble.com/people/nerdblitzpod/shop

And finally, the world can be such a horrible & shitty place sometimes.
Do whatever you can to combat that in anyway possible.
We need it now more than ever.

Thanks for reading.
I hope you come back soon.

Don’t Go Down There Part 7

As you should all know by now, over a year ago I gave myself a little challenge.
I wanted to write something truly horrific, fucked up, disgusting, and weird.
This is the product of that self challenge.

What follows is Part 7 of what was originally thought to be a 3 Part story, if you all like this story I just might turn it into a series of videos, audio drama style, some day soon.

You can read Part 1 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2015/05/14/dont-go-down-there-part-1/

You can read Part 2 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2015/06/14/dont-go-down-there-part-2/

You can read Part 3 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2015/08/12/dont-go-down-there-part-3/

You can read Part 4 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2015/10/18/dont-go-down-there-part-4/

You can read Part 5 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2016/04/01/dont-go-down-there-part-5/

And you can read Part 6 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2016/10/13/dont-go-down-there-part-6/

Without further ado, Please Enjoy Part 7 of Don’t Go Down There!

He handed His gun to Her, grabbed Donny, and hissed into the little puke’s face, sending spit flying onto his stupid dimwitted face.
“SEE YOUR GODDAMN WHORE MOTHER DOWN THERE!?
SEE HER COVERED IN YOUR DUMBASS BROTHER’S BLOOD!?
LOOK AT THEM, YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!!!”
He grabbed Donny’s head and forced him to look into the pit, It burst into tears when his face appeared over the edge.

It was more than just simply tears at this point, it was a full body shuddering blubber as It helplessly watched everything It knew, everything It loved, every single thing It had ever held dear gleefully warped or destroyed right before It’s very eyes by It’s own flesh and blood.

The boy went limp with the shock of seeing his mother, brother, neighbors, and friends beaten, bloodied, and dead.
The stupid little mouth hung open.
He put his knee in the boys back and forced him to the ground, head hanging over the edge of the pit, He planted His foot into the boy’s back, and held His hand out behind Him.
“Give it to me, baby.
I am DONE fucking playing around with this FILTH!”
He felt the cold steel press into His hand, and the warmth of Her hand on top of it.
He smiled, and then everything He’d planned changed.

The gun went off in His hand, burning Him, as the bullet went into His arm just above the elbow.
The scent of the discharged gun hit His nostrils before the shock of the bullet entering His body had fully set in.
When that wave finally washed over Him a second or 2 later, He slowly turned and saw Her, His cousin, His love, the only woman who’d ever understood Him and His work, holding His smoking gun.
He pushed Donny into the pit, the boy screamed all the way down and didn’t stop even after he landed.
It and the boy’s cacophonous wailing only served to underscore the horror that followed.

As their eyes locked, the fury in His exploded.
“WHY?
OF EVERYONE, IT’S YOU?
WHY!?”
She squeezed the trigger again, this time into His knee, and watched Him drop.
“You never said we’d hurt all these people, just that…THAT BITCH!
I only wanted to destroy her!” She declared.
“WHAT BETTER WAY TO DESTROY THE MOTHER THAN BY DESTROYING THE SONS, THE FRIENDS, YOU MAKE HER LONELY THEN YOU END HER, YOU SMALL MINDED, IGNORANT SLIME!” He spat back, pounding His fist on the wet concrete that was soaked in a rapidly widening pool of His own blood.

She began to shake as the gravity of the situation started setting in.
They both knew what had to happen at this point.
She looked away for just a moment, He tried to stand with a painful growl, and She snapped Her head back to Him.
“I loved you…I’m pregnant…”
His face twisted as the news processed, and before it fully could, She squeezed the trigger and unloaded the gun into Him.
He fell back and started gasping for breath.
She set the gun on His bench, walked over dropped to Her knees, and shoved Him into the pit to live out His last moments with His victims.

She went back to the work bench to catch Her breath, it was almost over.
But She had to decide how to end it.
Her mother and brother were still screaming in the pit, She knew that She could not free Her mother, not now.
The boy would be damaged goods from this day forward as well.

She looked under the bench and found a power saw, a 5 full gas cans, a few extension cords, a belt sander, a machete, a nail gun, and a few other assorted tools and power tools.
She grabbed two of the items and went up stairs.
She made one slow final walk through the house to gather Her thoughts, letting all of the memories flood back, the bad and the good, though there were far more of the former.
She visited every single room and took it all in before heading back to the basement.
A plan had hit Her like a ton of bricks.

She grabbed the nail gun, plugged it in, and headed back up.
The plan had solidified in Her mind, and She executed it with a cold precision.
She nailed the front, back, and side doors shut then dropped the nail gun by the basement door.
Next She pushed the couch infront of the front to help barricade it, then proceeded to do the same with the china cabinet at the back door and some chair from the kitchen at the side.

She picked up the nail gun and headed back to the basement, slamming the door and nailing it shut, sealing it, as She went.
She stepped to the edge of the pit and asked Her mother if He was still alive.
“I think so…Stacey, sweety, help us up and let’s all three leave.” Sheila pleaded as the boy kept screaming.
“Turn Him over so He can see me.” She called down, ignoring Her mother’s request.

She made a circle around the mouth of the pit as Sheila did as She’d requested.
Stacey grabbed the machete, stared into His eyes, and told Him “This is for you” before stabbing Herself in the stomach.
He groaned in response.
Stacey knew She only had a few moments before She would pass out, She had to act quickly.
She grabbed the final gas can and emptied it in the pit, having dumped the others throughout the house, and set the empty plastic next to Her.
Pulled matches from Her back pocket and yelled down “NOBODY CAN EVER KNOW ABOUT THIS, I HAVE TO END ALL OF IT…my way…” She whispered the last 2 words before striking the match and dropping it to ignite a ring of flame around the pit.

The stream of gas leading up to the stairs went up less than a second later.
Her pant leg caught fire with the dropping of the match, the pain was unbearable and caused Her to fall into the pit with the rest of Her family.
The screams of Her mother and brother as they burned were more horrifying than your most hellish nightmares.

The entire house was fullly engulfed in a raging inferno in 1 minute.
It took 2 whole days to put it out.
The bodies were recovered, but none were ever identified.

Nobody in the neighborhood could ever quite figure out what had happened, but you know how rumors always spring up.
The only thing they knew for sure was it had to have been that damn bald boy who’d done it.
After all, He’d watched His mother die in such a horribly similar way.

The End!


Share this post on Twitter with the hashtags #DontGoDownThere and #TSDJAProductions

If you dug this and would like to show your support for TS-D/JA Productions, check out The Camping Trip or The Nerd Blitz Pilot Trio at http://TSDJAProductions.bandcamp.com

Or by visiting https://www.redbubble.com/people/nerdblitzpod/shop

Real quick, I want to give a thank you too @Wv_Ant86 and @Nightmarexpress for supporting this story from the beginning.
I hope you both enjoyed the ride!

And finally!
As we can all see every single day, the world can be an Incredibly shitty place.
Do every single thing in your power to combat that by spreading a little bit of joy, even if it’s just a smile to a stranger who seems to be having a bad day.
We need it now more than ever.

Thank you for reading, I hope you come back soon.

Don’t Go Down There Part 6

​As you should all know by now, over a year ago I gave myself a little challenge.
I wanted to write something truly horrific, fucked up, disgusting, and weird.
This is the product of that self challenge.

What follows is Part 6 of what was originally thought to be a 3 Part story, if you all like this story I just might turn it into a series of videos, audio drama style, some day soon.

You can read Part 1 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2015/05/14/dont-go-down-there-part-1/

You can read Part 2 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2015/06/14/dont-go-down-there-part-2/

You can read Part 3 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2015/08/12/dont-go-down-there-part-3/

You can read Part 4 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2015/10/18/dont-go-down-there-part-4/

And you can read Part 5 right here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2016/04/01/dont-go-down-there-part-5/

If you want more, please don’t be shy!

The only ways for that to happen is for you to let me know in the comments below or through tweets and retweets.

Any and all encouragement leads to more if this kind of derangement.
Without further ado, Please Enjoy Part 6 of Don’t Go Down There!

“Keep your fuckin’ mouth shut or I will gut them both and throw ’em down for you to watch ’em die, bitch.” He hissed down to It.
The boys, Tim 9 and Donny 12, got to the bottom of the stairs in seconds.
Stacey called them over, they slowly listened to their sister.
Down in the pit, their beaten and battered mother clamped her hand over her swollen mouth to stifle her fearful sobs.

He was standing back in the shadows as one of the little bastards asked Stacey if He was there.
He stepped forward and the boys froze in their tracks, He could see the fear etched in their stupid dim faces.
He put his hand into his wasteband and wrapped his fingers around the cold steel of his gun, they tried to back away.
He aimed it at the little one.
“Don’t run, you’ll only make it worse for yourselves and your Mom.” He told them, saying the last word with as much contempt as He could muster.
“Whe…where is Mommy?” the boy asked, looking nervously at the rags.
He could hear It trying desperately trying to keep as quiet as It could, he smiled.

“Come over here, I’ll tell you.” He told the sobbing little shit.
The kid stared, but didn’t move, his feet frozen in place.
“Do it, Timothy.” Stacey said giving him a slight shove.
Down in the pit, It looked up, breath caught in It’s throat as the sweet baby boy looked down at his mother.
The boy shook as a shadow fell over him.
Tim looked back at his older cousin, who had a frightening grin on his face and His gun aimmed at the still forming head.
It’s breath & heartbeat quickened, It half yelled and half sobbed up “NO, DON’T DO IT! PLEASE, I’LL DO ANYTHING, WHATEVER YOU WANT! JUST LET MY BABIES GO!”
He growled and screamed back “IT ONLY SPEAKS WHEN SPOKEN TOO!” as the shot rang out.
The small body limply fell into the pit, on to what was it’s Mother’s shoulder.

Donny’s mouth hung open and eyes went wide watching his brother fall into the pit.
The thud and his Mother’s scream induced a panic.
Stacey stoically stared as her youngest brother left her sight.
She grabbed Donny’s arm and drug him closer to her love, and the pit.
She touched His shoulder, He looked in Her eyes as the boy struggled in her grasp.
“This needs to end.” Stacey told Him.
He kissed her again and said “I couldn’t agree more.”

To Be Continued…

Share this post on twitter with the hashtag #DontGoDownThere.

If you like this and want more horror, check out the 1st original horror audio from TS-D/JA Productions & JJ2E Media The Camping Trip.
Available for just $5 at TSDJAProductions.bandcamp.com

And finally, as we see everyday, the world can be an incredibly shitty place filled with horrible people.
Do EVERYTHING in your power to combat that in anyway possible by spreading just a bit of kindness, it really helps.

Thanks for reading, hope to see you back here soon.

How It Happened: Senior Moment 3

This is not the original Senior Moment 3.
Yes gang, there is a fourth as yet unused Senior Moment script locked away deep in the archives of one of my TS-D/JA Productions notebooks.
This one was about as last minute as it gets from what I recall.

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See, I was going through a period where I was making videos based on holidays and pseudo-holidays, and as the New Year approached I figured I would try and see if there was some way I could put a TS-D/JA Productions spin one of the biggest pseudo-holidays around, New Year’s Eve/Day.
So I got to thinking about the *ahem* “franchises” I have and which I could utilize in a New Year’s video, immediately Senior Moment jumped out at me.

Go watch the video and I’ll tell you exactly why it jumped out:

https://youtu.be/DXFt3e2DiVc

This whole video hinges on me wanting to do 1 very simple stupid joke.
“Well, ya wanted to see the balls drop!”
That’s it.
But I had to build some form of story around that to give me an excuse to tell said joke.
Hey, everybody loves a countdown/that fuckin’ ball drop shit so I had that!

When you take a minute and think about it, really break it down, this is one of the most fucked up videos I have ever put out.
Seriously, think about it, we have this pervy, weird, old grandpa flashing his balls to his family.
Ain’t that fucked up?
And then the after credits scene is one of the greatest fears of every man on the planet.

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As for the picture, that’s me sitting in my red chair in my room, fully clothed, with a pair of my pants and boxers around my ankles, my socks pulled up to my short and curlys, and my ratty ass old house shoes.
And for those of you wondering, the shit stain was digitally added later.
I know how to wipe good, I swears it!

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I think that’s it for this unholy bastard!
Sorry for such a short post, but this one was pretty straight forward.

Share this post on twitter with the hashtags #SeniorMoment & #HowItHappened.

If you like TS-D/JA Productions and wanna show folks, get yourself some official merch with the logo at http://cafepress.com/justjumptotheend/12361893

Be sure to listen to the podcast I do with @Fitzman73 called The Nerd Blitz W/ Doom And Fitz, available at NerdBlitz.Com.
Check out the YouTube channel for the pod HERE
Follow the pod on Twitter @NerdBlitzPod
Follow me on Twitter @TheScoobyDoom or @TSDJAProduction
And check out my personal YouTube channel YouTube.com/User/ThatScoobyDoom

And finally, now more than ever this message rings true.
This world is filled with hateful, cruel, flat out evil people.
You should go out and do anything and everything in your power to make this world a better place, to combat those shitty people, and to spread a little joy.
It is needed now in a big bad way.

I truly appreciate you reading this, I hope you come back soon.

3 Years Of TS-D/JA Productions

I’m really surprised I’ve stuck with it for 3 years, but I’m sure glad I have.
Okay now, this year I’m really flying without a net, none of this shit is planned.
So strap in (or strap on) cause this might take a while.

But before we get into everything else, let’s go back to where it all started on May 27th 2013 with Bitch Slappin’ The Wind: https://youtu.be/OBrVxZaKcT4

Also, give a look at years 2nd Anniversary post: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2015/05/27/two-years-of-ts-dja-productions/

Now, let’s get to the heart of the matter.
Boil it all down and TS-D/JA Productions, in all of it’s many forms, is really just the continuing progress of 1 dude who’s scared shitless of the real world, who never wanted to grow up and be a big people, who always just wanted to make stupid voices because it made himself laugh, who’s awkward around people because he doesn’t trust them, who just doesn’t want to face reality.
A dude that’s worried that some day he is going to die alone and there’s not going to be anybody on the planet to remember him because he was so closed off, so apart, so detached from the world.
A dude that would desperately love to be remembered for one of the best reasons imaginable, at least in his mind…to be remembered because he entertained you.

3 years after starting on this journey, I’m not sure if I’ve even begun accomplishing that feat…but it’s definitely not for lack of trying.
This last year I, with the help of so many many talented people, have been far more prolific than in either of the 2 years before, maybe even more so than those 1st 2 years combined.
Once again, on a personal level, this past year hasn’t really been the greatest, but I have creatively thrived in spite of that.
Probably as a way to try and escape the craziness.
But lets just keep to the public shit.

Sadly, in the past year, there have been fewer posts on my channel and on this site.
Hell, the Typecast has basically become a thing of the past as it’s becoming harder and harder to get folks to do them and cover new ground.
The videos have become rarer and rarer on the channel because it’s getting harder to come up with new material, whether it’s based on known properties or just making shit up.
But there is a good excuse for that!

If you follow either of my twitter accounts (@TheScoobyDoom & @TSDJAProduction, if you didn’t know) or if you’ve been paying attention to this site you’ve seen me talking about The Camping Trip.
I think I started writing it the day before or the day after Christmas and it took me about a month to write my half of the story.
After a few persisting issues with my old Rock Band mic that I’ve used since I made Dumbass Poets Society, I was able to get a new mic from @SteBoost (who has actually, and probably without even realizing it, been a really big hero to TS-D/JA Productions this year) in February and it took me about a month to record all of it in 8 voices or so and send it to my partner in crime, the dude that’s basically become the Scotty Mo to my Kev Smith in the last 12 months, the good sir @Fitzman73.

Over the last 2 months Fitz has edited, and I’ve heard, over a half hour of The Camping Trip.
And let me tell you folks, this will be the best sounding anything to have the TS-D/JA Productions name on it, the dude is fucking CRUSHING it!
I wish to hell I could give you the release date here, but there is still a lot of work to be done.
But I can give you a little hope on that front, I’m 75% sure it will be out before the end of July.
There could still be a bump in the road that causes a delay, but right now it’s looking good.

Until then, enjoy this trailer I just posted not too long ago: https://youtu.be/897tXlY3etI

Cool and creepy, right?

Now, what’s the other thing that’s kinda made me slack off on everything else?
Again, if you’ve paid attention to my 2 twitter accounts, I’ve launched a 3rd twitter account!
Wait…that’s not the thing, it’s what that twitter account is for that’s worth celebrating!
If you read the 2nd Anniversary post that I linked to above you know I was big time dreaming of hopefully launching a podcast before this years Anniversary.
Well guess what!
I DID IT!
WE DID IT!
After @Fitzman73 and I went and saw Episode VII back in December (right after I started writing my half of The Camping Trip) we recorded a pod on the way back to my house (which you can read more about and find out how to listen to here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2016/01/13/just-jump-to-the-end-episode-20-a-couple-of-jakku-jackoffs/) and it was fuckin’ fun, man.
First time I met the dude and we had an awesome time, at the very least from my perspective, which just added fuel to the fire of folks begging us (based on all of our Typecasts) to do a pod of our own.
Well, on April 16th @NerdBlitzPod set sail into the harsh waters of Podcastdom.

Fitz (again, like a champ) does ALL of the editing, so why has my shit been so sporadic?
Well, those intros and outros don’t write and record themselves.
That’s been my thing since The Nerd Blitz With Doom & Fitz launched, I write and record all of the intros and outros (Fitz does lines as needed) you hear on the pod (which you should all go listen to at NerdBlitz.com) and I’ve been making and editing videos for the Nerd Blitz YouTube channel (which you can find HERE), where very soon you will see the podcast episodes popping up as soon as I can make them and get them to Fitz to post.

So yeah, you are getting fewer posts, but you are getting far more content.
We’ve been recording weekly and banking episodes, but bi-weekly, for the foreseeable future, you will be getting at the very least 1 hour of new content from your favorite giant dog man Doom and his hockey helmeted friend Fitz in the form of The Nerd Blitz (which you should read more about here: https://tsdjaproductions.wordpress.com/2016/05/03/the-nerd-blitz-with-doom-and-fitz/), and we have a few things planned that we hope you folks will dig to give you more content than just the regular bi-weekly show, plus a few things we hope some of you will want to help us with to help us grow our listenership.

Something else that was pretty fuckin’ awesome in the last year was that, thanks to the rocker and roller that is @TheJSarge, my voice can be heard on one of my favorite podcasts!
At the end of the Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave (a podcast which has been talked about many times around these parts) Halloween special last year, the creepy little voice that says the title is none other than me!
It’s nothing huge, but it’s pretty damn cool for me.
You can listen to it at this link: http://www.smodcast.com/smodcast/episodes/emperor-flanagan
And here’s my very first reaction to it: https://twitter.com/TheScoobyDoom/status/662743366023716864?s=09
I’d talked to Sarge before and sent him some takes of me saying Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave that I’d recorded on my old phone with the shitty built in mic.
Well, I offered to redo them for him with my slightly better set-up (the old Rock Band mic and such) and he said sure.
He said he’d try to use them if he could, and I honestly didn’t really see when he’d have the opportunity to use them, but hey, at least I tried!
Then the dude came through with this!
He really is a cool motherfucker.

Now, lets get into the numbers game, which is what I obsess over more than anything else. Haha
Total views for everything I’ve done in these last 3 years are as follows…
The Site: 4919
The main YouTube Channel has: 8697
The Pod Youtube Channel has: 120
And the Pod has: 237
Pretty fuckin’ cool, right?
All combined, that’s 13,973 views.

Now, lets talk about total combined hours of content in these 3 years.
Between both YT Channels (not including The Camping Trip trailer, that goes on year 4’s record) I, with crazy amounts of help, have created and produced a total of 2 hours 13 minutes and 36 seconds of video content.
Between the 2 bonus episodes posted on the JJ2End Feed, Episode 20 of Just Jump To The End, and the 1st 3 Episodes of The Nerd Blitz With Doom & Fitz, Fitz and I have produced 5 hours 46 minutes and 26 seconds of glorious podcast content.
All that comes together for a grand total of 7:59:02 by my mathin’.
Just 58 seconds short of 8 full hours in 3 years.
That’s over 4 times the 1:43:00 I had last year.

Now let’s get into the thank yous for the last year.
For the videos, I want to send a huge heartfelt thank you to the following people: @ShariSayz, @_13Chris, @FromTheMonkey, @Woody_TESDFan & @JoePeel of @ShootheMoonBand, @AmandaMDanger, @Fitzman73, @GingerNacre, @NeilGat, @Forgeticus, @SteBoost, @KatLong31, @LookingForEight, @Gabryelledam, & @Joinedtofollow.

For their help with the site, deepest thanks go too @Fitzman73, @Joinedtofollow, @ScoobySnaxCom, @MemeEmSteveDave, @SpiderScooby, @CheeryAnt, @SteBoost, @ShariSayz, @KatLong31, and a special thanks to @SMorgan21 for offering to doba Typecast (I still wanna give it a whirl, Sandy).

To start wrapping up, and to reiterate what I said last year, of you’ve been here since the beginning, THANK YOU!
If you just found something I made yesterday, THANK YOU!
If you read, watch, subscribe, or listen to anything or everything I have made, THANK YOU!
And if you have ever helped, left a comment, or engaged in conversation based on any of it,
It really does mean the world to me and I THANK YOU!
You’ve helped me through those small simple actions more than you could ever realize.
And a Huge Thank You goes to @SpiderScooby for encouraging me to get on the twitter in the first place, without that push, none of this exists.
Thanks for that and so much more, brother.

One more time, here are all of the links to all of the ways you can consume and support TS-D/JA Productions.
Pod: NerdBlitz.com
Pod YT: Nerd Blitz on YT
Pod Twitter: @NerdBlitzPod
My YT: Youtube.com/ThatScoobyDoom
My Scooby Writings: ScoobyFan.Net/Author/Scooby-Doom/
My Twitter: @TheScoobyDoom
TS-D/JA Productions Merch: CafePress.com/JustJumpToTheEnd/12361893
TS-D/JA Productions Twitter: @TSDJAProduction

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Share this post on Twitter with the hashtags #TSDJAProductions #TheCampingTrip and/or #NerdBlitz.

And finally, quite often the world can be an incredibly shitty place.
Do EVERYTHING in your power to combat that and spread a little bit of good and kindness in any way you can.
Even small acts can help far more than you realize.
Thank you so much for your support, I hope to see you back here again next year.

How It Happened: Family Dinner

This one was my first really big stretch.
It has a joke or 2, but those were only added to kind of try and offset just how heavy this video was.
I also had a plan for this one that, due to some unfortunate circumstances for one of my intended collaborators, kind of got chucked out the window…and in a weird way made it more memorable for some of my viewers.
Give the video a watch and lets get into it afterwards.

https://youtu.be/x1-8jnrRk04

In 2014 there were a lot of folks I dug, public and personal, that died and this was a bit of how I tried dealing with it.
But that’s not actually how it was originally intended.
Ya see, I had originally planned to have the wife in this video, and it was my intention to have @ShariSayz play her…but Shari was going through a few things at the time and needed to work through them, so I decided before I even started writing to leave the wife out…and that decision is what gave this video all of the heart it has.

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Just to spell it out, this video is about a family gathering for their first Thanksgiving following the death of a beloved and important friend/family member, something I sadly have a lot of experience with both of my Grandpa’s dying when I was at a very young age (the 20th and 19th anniversaries just passed earlier this week) and both of my Grandma’s in the last 15 years.
I saw how it affected my parents, I remember well how it affected me, so I dumped all of that into this.

I can’t remember if it was during or after the writing of this that I reached out to @ComicWasteland and @TheJSarge/@MemeEmSteveDave of @IrvingsBasement for their help.
As per usual, I gave @ComicWasteland a breakdown of what I needed and the dude nailed it all.
I had him add a few things to the table pic to fill it out a bit, and I sorta remember having him add something to one of the kid’s rooms.
But all of these images are slick as fuck!
That stairway particularly tells a story of this house and it’s history.
Dude did damn good AGAIN!!!
Show him some love and such by visiting his blog: https://wordbloonillustration.wordpress.com/

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So, we have Parents of the Husband left behind (Morty and Gloria, who are 2 characters/voices I’ve used for many years to entertain myself and my Mum), the grieving Husband and Father of 2, and the 2 Sons, Bobby (a douchey, selfabsorbed kid loosely based on my brother) and Stevie (named after the owner of the comic shop I when to who died earlier in 2014) all gathering for the first holiday dinner following the recent funeral for the Wife/Mother/Daughter-In-Law.
We start with the man’s Parents having a conversation before following the Widower as he goes and gets the boys for dinner.

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Bobby, the problematic son, blasts music with no concern or consideration for anybody else in the house gives his Dad a hard time when Dad requests his lordships presence at the family meal.
Again, this is ripped from my own life.
There were many many years where we had to chase my brother down for our holiday dinners and got the same kind of assholic reply.
The soundtrack for this scene is brilliantly provided by @IrvingsBasement in the form of their song Comfort Problems, which you can buy here: http://irvingsbasement.bandcamp.com/.
I forget which of the duo I hit up for permission to use this song (probably @MemeEmSteveDave cause, as busy as I know Meme Em is, I’ve always been a bit worried about bothering @TheJSarge since he’s a fuckin’ rockstar and all), but they sent it right over.
That’s the really cool thing about these 2, no matter what, they are always willing to try and help somebody with some creative type shit in any way they can.
Both really good dudes.

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Then there’s the other son, Stevie, loosely based on myself, alone in his room playing with his toys and shit in a world all his own.
As I said a couple of times above, there were a few deaths that rocked me that year, and one of which was Steve who owned the comic shop I went too.
So, as a little tribute, I named this kid after him.
Then there’s the sound effect that @FromTheMonkey provided, which again my memory is shitty, but I think he did it for me for another video and I used it for this.
Mike is another one of those dudes that always comes through for me, cool fucker, check out his site here: http://monkeybasementproductions.net

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I thought it was kinda funny having the Dad say “5 minutes, bud” and then having “6 minutes later” pop up.
And then there’s this final scene, where it all comes together.
The whole family gathers for the meal and they do that thing I’ve always seen families do on TV and in Movies where they sit around and say a few things they’re thankful for, seems weird but it’s a trope I will gladly use to get my point across.
Once I made the decision to leave Shari out, I realized what I wanted to use this video to do.
On twitter, I used to try to thank everybody who RT’d my shit, but with as much shit as I do sometimes it does get hard to keep up, so this video is me breaking the fourth wall.
When the Dad says “everyone of you who can hear my voice right now” that’s me talking directly to all of the people who watch my videos, and retroactively read this site or listen to my pod.
It gets really serious and I know I was walking a fine line that could have easily tipped into lame, cheesy, sappy, or overdramatic territory (some might say it did, I like to think it didn’t) and it just gets progressively heavier until the end…and yes, this is why I threw in the fart joke at the end to try and let off a little of the steam/pressure that had built up through the entire video.

So there ya have it, gang.
This was a huge step out of my normal range, and hopefully you all dug it.
As heavy as it was, it was nice to stretch and work a new muscle for a change.
Hopefully I’ll have even more different shit in the future.

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As per usual, the world is a rough place full of a lot of shitty people that can and will try to tear you down at every turn, combat those bastards by throwing a little good in the world in anyway you can.
Be it a smile to somebody having a bad day, helping a stranger carry something, or any other way you can.

Thanks for reading, hope to see you back here next week for my TS-D/JA Productions 3rd Anniversary post.

The Nerd Blitz With Doom & Fitz

You wanted it, you got it!
After 10 Typecasts and much encouragement from the readers of said Typecasts, FINALLY Lord @Fitzman73 and I have taken the plunge.

I believe it was March 22nd, at around 10 AM Central time, the good Sir Fitz and I got off our dicks, had a phone call, talked about some nerdy shit, and recorded it for over 2 hours.
2 hours that would be released as our 1st 2 Episodes.
I don’t know about Fitzy, but I know I was nervous as a motherfucker to finally be doing a recording session for my very own podcast.

We met up and I gave him a flashdrive that had my half of the recordings in sweet, clear, near High Definition MP3 format, thanks to the kindness of @SteBoost providing me with a sweet ass mic and Audacity.
Without Sir Ste, I can promise you this podcast wouldn’t sound NEARLY as good as it does.

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So Fitz and I sat on the Eps for a few weeks until I got antsy, we have a few projects in the works and I was wanting to release something so I could get to promoting it, so I asked him to take a break from the arduous task of editing and assembling The Camping Trip (our upcoming original audio drama) and edit Episode 1 of The Nerd Blitz With Doom & Fitz.

While he was editing, I came up with a hair brained scheme to do a little cross promotion of The Nerd Blitz and The Camping Trip.
Thanks to @MaidforMischief making the amazing fuckin’ poster for The Camping Trip that I’d just tweeted (which you can see here: https://twitter.com/TSDJAProduction/status/717004475358162946), I figured I could get more eyes on it and raise awareness for our still unnamed pod (at least as far as announcing it went) by promising folks that we’d announce the pod title as soon as the original tweet with the poster got 30 RTs.
Well…as we got closer to releasing the first episode and the tweet was struggling to get 30 I was losing hope and lowered the number to 25…which it got soon after on April 14th 2016.

On April 16th 2016, The Nerd Blitz With Doom & Fitz launched!

And speaking of nervous, you can hear it in our 1st Episode right here: http://nerdblitz.libsyn.com/episode-001-sticky-arms
Here’s a funny little story to prove just how nervous I was: About 5 minutes in, Fitz is telling a story about being at a birthday party for his kid at a bowling alley.
He says he snuck off to the Arcade to take a breather when one of the kids (not 1 of his) runs up and grabs one of the balls off the pool table.
You can tell I was nervous because I started to make a joke about the kid running up and grabbing an old dudes balls.
But if you listen REALLY close, you can hear me do something I NEVER DO.
I slammed on the brakes midstream and self-edited.
You can hear me stutter a bit and kinda roll over it awkwardly chuckling to myself, mostly because I knew where I was heading with it.
I mentioned this on twitter after the episode went up and Fitz said he noticed in the moment and thought it weird that I pussed out.

So here is my vow, starting with Episode 3 (Episode 2 is already recorded), I promise not to self-edit, to make the “little kid grabbed an old man’s balls” jokes.
In my videos and on this site, I say and do flat out retarded shit simply because it makes ME laugh.
If The Nerd Blitz is going to work, I have to do the same on the pod, I have to be true to myself and my deranged sense of humor.

Now, for even more thank yous!
Back on January 31st of this year, I asked the man, the myth, the legend that is your friendly neighborhood Rockstar @TheJSarge if he could do an intro song for us.
On February 2nd the dude came through in a big bad way.
If nothing else, we have an amazing song to start off the show with.
So, go thank this fuckin’ amazing musician by supporting his work at these links: http://RemedialM-Theory.Bandcamp.com
http://JSargeMusic.Blogspot.com
And http://IrvingsBasement.Bandcamp.com

Then, the day after we launched, somebody else came through for us in a big way.
If you read this site regularly, you should all know @ShariSayz well.
After 2 artists fell through for various reasons, and knowing Shari had great design skills from her work on Interview With A Declachaun: Creaky Strikes Back, Fitz and I asked her if she could take a stab at it for us.
We asked her if she could do it on the 15th, we launched episode 1 on the 16th, I got an email with the logo above & the twitter header below on the 17th.
Just like J Sarge with the theme, she came through for us in 2 damn days!
It’s just fuckin’ amazing the work they both did in such a short amount of time.
So go thank her by checking out her Youtube channel: http://youtube.com/user/ShariArchinoff

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Now, for all the ways you can get and interact with the show.

First and foremost, listen to every episode by going to our site: http://NerdBlitz.com

Or you can listen, subscribe, rate, and review us on ITunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-nerd-blitz-w-doom-and-fitz/id1106955481

Then you can subscribe to our YouTube Channel, where I hope we’ll be able post the episodes eventually plus all kinds of new content: https://m.youtube.com/#/channel/UCL8isNQGcFAqMO1668WoROw

Then you can follow the pod on Twitter: @NerdBlitzPod

That’s all of our links for now, hopefully we’ll have more for you to check out soon.

If you listen to the pod and you like it, please don’t hesitate to tell us.
If you have any questions or comments, send them our way.

And finally, the world is a hard place.
It’s full of assholes that want to tear you down.
To combat that, go out in the world and try to do your best to put a little bit more positivity in it, as hard as that can be.

Thanks for reading and now listening.
See ya next time.

How It Happened: Channel Surfing Again

Hey gang!
Time to break down Channel Surfing Again, so settle in as I get to explaining this little late night stoner brain dropping of mine.

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Watch the video and afterwards I’m slappin’ it out on the table, lets have some fun!

https://youtu.be/FROC71bTx0o

Pretty fuckin’ goofy, right?
And that’s why I bloody love it.

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The Opening: The lovely @ShariSayz came back to play my wifey!
Just like the first 1, I needed something to give me a reason to have the TV going, and what better reason could there be than having to take a shit…and who doesn’t want a TV in the shithouse???
Nobody, that’s who!
So dude goes to take a boom boom and his lady says no TV?
That shant stand!

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Senate Ad: As those of you that listen to Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave (and if you’re reading this, there’s a 80% (or higher) chance you are a TESD listener) know, there was a joke about long time TESD listener, and frequent TS-D/JA Productions collaborator, @Fitzman73 being “a Senator or something”.
Well, as I was getting to know Lord Fitz better, I figured why not fuck around with that image/joke a wee bit?
So I wrote the ass end of a goofy little ad that made a little reference to an episode of Fitz’s podcast Just Jump To The End (he may have even suggested I make the reference, I can’t remember), I designed his “campaign logo” using the Superman colors, he recorded his lines, and I slapped it all together.
My favorite part of this segment is the selfimportant voice I chose, it drips with the fake bullshit nature of all political ads.
And the quick little “Paid for by the ants” makes me chuckle too.

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Knife Showcase: We’ve all seen this video, the dude slinging knives on the tube cuts his hand or what ever the hell and he tries to keep his cool.
That type of shit is a late night TV staple, so I had to make reference to it at some point. Haha

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Channel 37 News: This was another instance of universe building.
Bringing back the news station from the first Channel Surfing, but this time making reference to one of my other videos Dumbass Poets Society 2: Fallout.
The anchor throws to the Family Guy reporter doing an update on the events in that video.
I also changed the slogan of Channel 37 for 2 reasons.
1. I didn’t want folks to just fall asleep because they already saw that picture in the first one.
2. I’ve noticed that the local news would run shit, especially entertainment news, that was 1-4 days old and act like they were breaking it.
And if you bring the internet into the equation, the lag time is even longer.
It’s baffling.

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Jerry Springer-Esque: The picture was taken at the former bar across the street from my house, to simulate the back alley, big city feel of the Jerry Springer set.
Again, trash TV like this is a late night staple.
How could I skip it?
@ShariSayz gave me an adorably sweet delivery of a pretty serious line.
She definitely made it better than I expected, especially on that 2nd lines.
I get the feeling her character is a sweet, innocent, lovely young girl that just found out she’d been cheated on.
She’s probably not a foul mouthed lady, so she’s saying her first curse words too.
Hilarious.

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Craig Ferguson: For years, every night at midnight, I would switch the channel from the Charlie Rose show on PBS to CBS to watch The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson.
Seriously, years.
And if I missed an episode I would feel bad.
THAT is how much I loved Craig’s run on Late Late.
So it was around then, or before, that Craig announced he was leaving the show…and it was pretty heartbreaking.
For years, Craig was there through all the hard times, we were there with him through quite a few of his hard times.
Making weird, goofy, off color jokes, unlike anybody else, with the possible exception of Conan O’Brien.
Making you laugh, cry, think, and wonder.
To this day, I maintain that Craig is one of the greatest interviewers to ever have his own show, he’s up there with Charlie Rose.
So as a way to say thank you for all the laughs and entertainment Craig has provided me with over the years, I wanted to pay tribute to him in this.
The image is a variation on his gay, robot, skeleton, side-kick named Geoff (voiced by Josh Robert Thompson).
The vocals are my spin on one of Craig’s long time bits, Italian Bill Clinton.
James Corden does a great job hosting Late Late, he’s made it his own, but I’ll always miss what Craig did.

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Nature Show: Inspired by Steve Irwin and his always entertaining work, an over excited nature presenter describing another one of his astounding adventures.
Not much depth to it beyond that. Haha
The picture was taken in my backyard, which looks like a jungle in summer time.
Trees, flowers, vegetables, bushes, if you shoot it right, you could make a jungle movie/nature doc in that sumbitch.

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Dating Show: This here was another funny little bit of business.
This is a segment, much like another coming up shortly, that WILL NEVER HAPPEN, but it would be so damn awesome if it did.
You know they would never let a gay dude slip through as a potential date for a straight woman…why would they?
It would just be wasting her time and taking away a potential date for her.
They would also never let a dude that LITERALLY just threatened to kill the contestant, and you’d think nobody is stupid enough to scream that intention infront of a rolling camera.
Neither one of them makes any fuckin’ sense whatsoever…but think of how hilarious/interesting that would be!
It would be more interesting than the top 10 highest rated TV shows combined!
So much dysfunction, it would be riveting.
But alas, it only exists here, in the twisted world of TS-D/JA Productions.
And again, @ShariSayz sold the fuck out of it, and made it better.
A true elevator of the material.

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Hal’s Qwik Check Commercial: Just like in the first video, this is a reference to a series of videos that still has not happened, Why Us.
Mr. Mike A.K.A. @FromTheMonkey did me a solid and voiced Hal.
There’s not much meat to this segment either, but hopefully if I dust off Why Us, write an ending, and get these damn things out there it will make that series even deeper because of the long history I’ve built for the character/universe.

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Zombie Movie: The picture is of my hand, run through Microsoft Paint.
I’d somehow gotten a cut on my wrist, so I put two little droplets of blood coming from it.
I colored my finger nails black, added some cracks.
Painted some veins on my arm and hand, threw some color spectrum effect on it that made it all seem to glow, and it was ready.
I have ALWAYS been a HUGE fan of Zombies, Zombie movies, and Zombie TV shows, I can’t explain why.
There’s just something fucked up about somebody gettin’ dead…then standing up and walking/running after some poor dunch, and chewing their goddamn guts out.
Some have said the best Zombie stories mirror our political or social climate, but I say that’s dogshit.
Just give me rotting corpses chasing after some poor schlub that can make me believe it’s real and I’m happy.
I don’t need overtones of some other nonsense.
I would kill to make a Zombie movie of my own, but for now this segment is as close as I’ll get…or is it?

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Channel 69 News: This is the other segment that will never happen.
For years, I have watched the news and some dude gets hit by a car, he slip into a coma, and you have a parade of people saying what a good soul he is.
He feeds birds, he kisses babies, he buys girl scout cookies, he helps old ladies cross the street, the motherfucker is 1 miracle away from bona fide sainthood…I call BULLSHIT!!!
I would pray to Jebus and Santa’s dyslexic twin that just 1 goddamn time when somebody would ram their car into a school for blind, deaf, retarded, 1 legged bunnys, and launch through the windshield, skid across the ground (turning their face into ground hamburger meat on the pavement), and you would have just 1 dude in the parade of dimwitted interviewees say “ya know, fuck that guy. For 2 years, 2 FUCKING YEARS, this cocksucker has owed me $246…2 YEARS!!!
He won the lottery…TWICE…he never gave me a cent.
Fuck him, I kind hope the injuries…LEAVE THE CAMERA ON ME, DON’T YOU CUT TO THE STUDIO…I kind hope the injuries are so severe that they kill him.
I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna see the money anyway, right?” because as it is, it’s just the same fucking shit…over…and over…and over…and over…AND OVER…AND OVER…AND OVER…AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN!!!
Just different people saying the same shit…FOR YEARS!!!
It’s further proof that The News is just bullshit, paint by numbers, soundbite collection entertainment.
You may think this is a big joke, but I swear to fuck it drives me batshit crazy.
Fucker dies, bunch of fuckers repeat the same lines.
It feels scripted, directed, forced.
This segment is me spitting water in the face of TV News and saying fuck you.
Also, the Channel 69 logo is pussy pink and the numbers looks like boobies! Teehee!

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Music: Because I did it in the first, I had to do it again.
I called on @Woody_TESDFan and his band Shoot The Moon to provide me with a song, and they gave me an early version of their song I Want What You Got off of their upcoming 2nd album.
I really can’t say it enough, or express just how appreciative I am to Woody and the fellas for allowing me to to play with one of their songs, especially a unfinished song.
I look at this way, through a movie prism, I was the dude that was given the exclusive teaser trailer for their next movie.
It’s not finished, but it gives you a taste, gets you excited for it.
Woody also provided the photo.
All in all, it’s good shit!
Thanks guys!

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TV College: This is another staple of crappy TV.
They find some loud motherfucker with an accent or affectation, have them move around a lot, and edit it like some sort of shitty vlog.
It’s like these things are aimed at fuckin’ 5 year olds…or somebody else with a short attention span.
The image is sloppy as hell because that’s how I imagine these TV Colleges would look, basically 1 step above a fuckin’ outhouse.
I know they aren’t, but I like to think they are.

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Senatorial Debate: My memory is a bit murky on this one, but I think when I asked Fitz to do this I didn’t actually give him the full script for this scene.
I seem to recall wanting him to experience it with the audience.
I’m pretty sure all I told him was that he would be in a debate and I needed him to start his reply with a bit of an awkward laugh.
I love the idea of 1 politician having a complete and utter mental break down and the other guy has to soldier on.
Then I threw in a little bit of Nixon/Admiral Ackbar as the moderator, and the ever so clever Master Debaters tag, you have the magic of this segment!

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Boner Pill Commercial: Again, a late night staple. Haha
I specifically made this sorta spin out of what @Fitzman73 said in the last segment cause it makes me giggle.
“What my opponent doesn’t seem to understand is that *shkurrr* your dick don’t get hard?” is just fuckin’ funny, man.
And read that disclaimer line under the slogan, that’s funny as hell too.

Closing Segment: My youtube wifey @ShariSayz busts the damn door down and starts breakin’ my balls when I’m tryin’ ta pinch a poo off.
The same picture as the opening segment makes it’s triumphant return to close us out.
I’m proud of the details in this picture, though I’m still not happy with how the crapper just floats there.
I mean, there are turd bowls that don’t have pedestals, but I’m not that great of an artist and I wanted to do it myself.
But look at the remote and the shower door, ain’t it cool?
I done did it all on me onesie!
…no head pat like a puppy what piddled on the pad…?
Okay, moving on!

There’s also a reprisal of the Zombie segment and the song from @ShootheMoonBand.

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And that’s it for this go round, gang.
Please go thank all of the cool fucks what helped make this video what it was.
@ShariSayz, @Fitzman73, @FromTheMonkey, & @Woody_TESDFan/@ShootheMoonBand have been great helps in many many projects.

And finally, as I say every damn time, the world is a rough fuckin’ place.
It is your duty to do anything in your power to change that.
The world needs less dickheads in it, and a kind word to somebody on a bad day can help more than you’d realize.

Thanks for reading, I’ll see ya next time.