Bat-Verse Story Exerpt

Below is the final little extra goodie I have for you crazy kids from that tweeter deal last week.
It’s a Batman Universe story I wrote coming up on two years ago that I’ll hopefully be turning into an Audio Drama next year starring @NeilGat.

And now, for your reading pleasure…

In the past 2 weeks there’ve been at least 25 bombings or explosions or booms or whatever the hell you wanna call ’em. Whatever they are, there message is delivered loud and clear.
He’s out…and he knows I’m close!

We all know he’s not the type you flip on, I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.
They promised me more than some little shithole apartment in mid-town.
Looking back, I know I screwed up and now I know the devil’s on his way to collect with a smile on his face.

When I first met the Clown I was getting my ass handed to me by him and his girl Harley.
I was working for one of the other big bads in town, Two-Face, trying to steal Two twin barreled Gatling guns when, appearently, The Joker decided he wanted ’em too.

The ruby red lips and green hair look goofy from far off, but when he’s swinging a goddamn chainsaw at your head they kinda make you wanna shit yourself. Same goes for Harley and her get up.

Hope you enjoyed it.
As soon as Neil gets some free time we’ll get to it.
This is one that I’m really proud of as well so I can’t wait to have it completed.

Until next time:
The world sucks enough, don’t add to it.

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How It Happened: Mr. J’s Toxic Blues

I have an incredibly bad memory so please forgive what will probably be the over use of phrases such as “as I recall” “as best as I can remember” “as memory serves” or mixture of those phrases in any future posts.
Okay, are you ready?
Here we go.

As best as I can remember it, I was fuckin’ around on twitter one day and got a wild hair up my ass to start writing something.
As I started writing I started to mold it into something for The Joker, I remember thinking of it as a sort of confession or taunt to Batman and the Gotham press as it started flowing.

I’ve searched like a mad man over the last 2 weeks trying to find that original string of tweets to I could link to them for you but I’ve come up empty handed.

The original “story” only lasted about 6 or 7 tweets, but I liked it.
I felt, and still do feel, it had that special kind of crazy that Mr. J is know for.
The few people who followed me at the time seemed to dig it too.
One chick, if I remember right it was @ShariSayz, even said she thought I was transcribing something, which was a huge compliment I wasn’t ready for.

So with it written, I wanted to do something with it…but I had no clue what.
I couldn’t think of any way to make it into a video and then it hit me!
Do it as a sort of Audio Drama! But then I was struck with the same question…how?
At this point I was still using just my shitty phone from Walmart to make my videos.
Windows/Microsoft Movie Maker was still a few months away from my understanding, so I didn’t have a plan.
I thought about using the Sound Recorder on my phone but it doesn’t have the capability to post to YouTube.
Up against a brick wall, I decided to use my video camera.

So in my Room, I set the phone down on a dark surface and unleashed the voice that I’ve done for many years to creep out my family, the voice that I’ve always been told sounds exactly like Mark Hamill’s Joker…if he had a carton a day Smoking habit.

I finished my recording and played it back…it was horrible!
Complete shit!
You could hear the fan downstairs like it was infront of the mic and it sounded like I was chewing on cottonballs.
Again, I had no clue what to do!
If it weren’t for all of the background noise it probably would’ve sounded fine, but how the fuck would I cut that noise.
Yet again, I was struck with an idea.

When you’re in the car with the windows rolled up, it’s pretty damn quiet, isn’t it?
It took me long enough to figure that out!
So, in the middle of the summer, I decided I’d go out to the garage, sit in the car, and make funny voices!

And here’s what happened…

…I SWEATED MY GODDAMN ASS OFF IS WHAT HAPPENED!!!
Oh yeah, and I recorded this…

https://youtu.be/V3DHeglcmXg

…which still sounds like shit, but at least you can understand it!

I was sitting in the back seat with the phone on the console up front, just sweating my ass off, spewing hatred for that damned Bat, and enjoying every minute of it.
That voice has always been one of the most cathartic things I can do.
With that voice, I can say anything I want and nobody questions it because it’s an insane clown, and who wants to talk back to something that nuts.

Anyway, I was about ready to post it and I was hating the names I chose for it, they were all just kinda lame and meaningless.
Mostly just random shit with Mr. J in them.
So I was talking to ol @NeilGat on twitter, probably in DM, and he came up with the brilliance that is Mr. J’s Toxic Blues!

Neil is a truly amazing and supportive guy that is a pillar of strength for the creative types he surrounds himself with…even if only virtually.
As I recall, he even came up with the whole “deep behind the laughs lies a toxic green funk” thing that I put in the video description.
Great dude for sure.

One last thing about this video and Neil.
Not long (it may have even been the next day) after I posted this video, I tweeted something along the lines of “the audio may suck, but the content is pretty good” and Neil said something I hadn’t even thought of.
He says “I like the poor audio quality, it makes it seem like a taunting voice mail left for Batman”…wow, with that in mind, it makes the whole thing work perfectly.
I was kinda down on it until he said that, but since it has stayed one of my favorite things I’ve ever posted anywhere.

Thanks for all of the help, Sir Neil.

Sorry to be so long winded this go around, kids.

Share this on Twitter with the hashtag #MrJsToxicBlues.

Abandoned Superman Story

As part of the deal, mentioned in my last post, I said if Channel Surfing Again got up to 100 views I’d post some extra shit here.

The one thing I mentioned was a Superman story that I started writing and then abandoned a few years back.
You’ll see in just a few moments why it was abandoned, but first I figured I’d give you a little bit of history about the project.

I’ve been a big Superman since I first saw Bruce Timm’s Superman Animated Series starring Tim Daly and Clancy Brown.
I’ve always written stupid little shit for myself to enjoy and always wanted to write something using Superman and all of those characters but never had any clue how to go at it.
Well, I’m thinking it was 5-7 years ago, I finally got the idea for a trilogy of stories that delt with Superman’s everyday Life, Death, Return from the grave (real original, I know) and would use an assload of those characters.

So I wrote a 3 part break down, which looking back at it is really horrible and makes little sense, that involved the following cast of characters:
Superman, Lex, Mercy Graves, Lois, Darkseid, Kalibak, Doomsday, Jor-El, Brainiac, and many many others.

I planned to have it reference all of my favorite versions of the characters, but mostly I was pulling from Smallville and Superman: The Animated Series.
The bottomline, it was a convoluted mess that I wrote some parts of like a script and some parts of like a novel with the narration flip flopping perspectives and going all over the place making it even harder to follow.

…so for your reading pleasure, I present part of the Juicy failure that was my Superman story in all it’s original…what’s the opposite of glory? What ever it is, that!

In a dark room only barely lit by fires all around the edges.

Darkseid: “KALIBAK!!!” yelled a man with red eyes sitting on a high throne.
Kalibak: “Yes Father?” in walked a man wider and taller than any to have ever walked on earth, he knelt down.
Darkseid: “I have a mission for you…..on earth!”

Then it shifts to an opening with Lex and Mercy that, as crappy as it is, I still kinda like.

It was two minutes to midnight on December 31st.
A bald man was standing in his top floor office staring out his window at all of Metropolis.
“Mercy, get me a shot of bourbon.” He ordered in his deep baritone voice to someone unseen.
“Sure Lex.” A woman in a dark grey chauffeur’s uniform said from the shadows.
“Good, Then get the hell out and don’t let anybody in. No calls either.”
She did as she was told.
The man was Lex Luthor and he wasn’t to be crossed, not now, not ever.

“Ah, the rat bastard thinks he can screw with me? Does he know who I am?”
Lex was not crazy.
He knew only crazy people talked to themselves…he was not crazy…he just…he just thought out loud!
That was it, yeah! That was it!
That’s exactly what Lionel always used to say.
He saw fireworks in the distance and knew that finally he had a whole new year and another chance to complete his ultimate goal in life.
His goals were much different than most people, most people wanted money.
Well, Lex had more than enough money. In fact, he had made his first billion by the time he was just twenty three.

No, his goal was to kill…and not just any bum off the street, he wanted to kill the big red, yellow, and blue bum.
Superman they called him.
Some stupid alien from a long dead planet.

Superman, what made him so damn super?
Okay, well, he can fly…but big deal, Lex could too if he wore the right suit.
No matter what, the idiotic people of this damned city loved Superman, even though all he did was cause millions of dollars in damage to the city every year.
But not this year, this year Lex was going to kill him!
Lex knew his weakness, Kryptonite, radioactive chunks of the big blue dunderhead’s home world.
Even now, in a wearhouse down by the docks, Lex was having a Kryptonite arsenal built.
Raising his glass, Lex said “Happy New Year, Superman!
May it be your last.” He took a sip and sat down behind his computer chuckling.

And there you have it, let me know in the comments below what you think of the rancid brain droppings above.

Star Wars: Darth Doom

So on twitter I said if this tweet got to 22 RT’s by tonight I’d post an early version of my crawl for my upcoming Star Wars Audio Drama I’m doing for Youtube.

Without further ado…My opening crawl!

image

The Challenge Of Darth Doom

The Sith are a feared breed of force users, even though only 2 exist at any one time…or so the Rule Of Two has stated for many years

With the future in flux, a secret apprentice has begun training in case an unfortunate turn of events should ruin the plans of Darth Sidious.

That secret Apprentice is in training in a Sith monastery in a far distant planet. A young padawan has unwittingly, to him, infiltrated his sanctuary to test his mettle…

This has since changed slightly for the actual video.
I hope to show you all the finished project very soon.

How It Happened: Caught White Handed/Caught White Handed Blooper

So I was in the bathroom one day, starin’ out the window taking a whiz, and I had one of those lightbulb moments.
All of a sudden, dick in hand, I see this image in my mind…

image

…and I hear “MOM! GEEET OOUUUTTT!” in a sorta whiney voice.
So I shake off, wash my hands, and go in search of my brother (the “actor” for a few of my videos) to make the initial pitch and see if I’m the only one that finds it madly hilarious.

I find him in the backyard and he laughs at my description of that image.
Immediately I begin to form a fuller version of the story.
And keep in mind that at this point I had zero thoughts of making videos to try and make people laugh, hell I’d never made videos period up til this point.
So anyway, I’ve seen alot of videos of stupid teens doing shit only to have their parents walk in and catch them acting like morons and that is where the story clicked!

A stupid kid puts on a voice he feels is scary and films himself tuggin’ one out…why?
Cause that’s what kids do in my twisted version of the 21st century, I’ve heard stories of people films themselves and their friends in the woods shitting from tree limbs, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility.

So, with my script on an index card…

image

…we set about filming…and then this happened…

https://youtu.be/VYxGawZi4Rg

…I wasn’t expecting the dead eyed stare and arm pause, my “directions” were ‘watch my hand under the camera and when I point up, look straight into the camera and I’ll start talking’.
Obviously the pause threw me and I broke up.

So the next day…

image

(for anybody wondering, that’s why the clothes and background are different as seen in this photo)

…knowing now he’d do the freeze we shot again.
It went off without a hitch!
Giving me this bastardized brainchild that, to this day, is one of my favorite things I’ve ever done.

https://youtu.be/S_QxvVSDbDg

I remember him having a little bit of resistance against the suggestion for that hat flip too but I think it’s great.

When I showed my Mom the video, her reaction is one of the best I’ve ever gotten.
“What is wrong with you?”
Everything about making this video was just balls out fun…quite literally so with it’s conception.

Share these on Twitter with the hashtags #CaughtWhiteHanded and #CaughtWhiteHandedBlooper.

Go watch these and all of my other videos to see what I’ll be talking about in future How It Happened Posts.

Thanks To My Collaborators

I wanted to take just a few moments and give a shoutout to the folks that have lent their talents and helped me make my videos better than I ever could have on my own.

In chronological order, or as close to chronological order as I can remember…

First, thanks to @NeilGat for providing me with that explosion picture in Dumbass Poets Society.
I forgot to thank him in the credits.
Please forgive me.
He is a really cool dude too.

Second, also for Dumbass Poets Society, thanks to @TheJSarge for allowing me to use his 8-Bit TESD theme, which is a personal favorite of mine.
Check out his stuff at http://jsargemusic.blogspot.com

Third, thanks go to @ComicWasteland for the beautiful artwork he did on Kryptonite Condom, The Flying Batmobile, and Good Evening Mr. J.
He came through in a big way, no matter how late in the game I asked for another picture he always elevated my vision.
His work keeps getting better.

Fourth, huge thanks to @Woody_TESDFan and his band @Shoothemoonband.
First for Woody’s contribution to Dumbass Poets Society 2: Fallout.
I’m not quite sure what he calls that song but damn I love it!
It’s a fun upbeat little tune that I’ve listened to more than 50 times since that video dropped.

Second for the band’s contributions too Channel Surfing and Channel Surfing Again.
The song in Channel Surfing, Part Of Life, I believe is off of their album titled The First.
For me, it’s a sort of sad song but it’s really good and works on a few different levels…and you may just see something more being done with it in the future.
The song in Channel Surfing Again, I Want What You Got, isn’t publicly available just yet but I’ll keep you all updated when it does get an official release.
But it is a pretty kick ass tune in it’s own right.
For all of the info you could possibly want about Shoot The Moon check their site http://ShootTheMoonBand.com.
Alot of good shit there.

Fifth is @FromTheMonkey.
Mike has done sound effects for me a few times, most notably in The Flying Batmobile and What’s Your Name?
It’s amazing the shit he can do, I have no clue how he does it either.
He and his family have also done some voice work for me in Good Evening Mr. J and Channel Surfing Again.
He’s been a great supporter and a big help so check out his podcast at http://justgivemeafewminutes.podomatic.com

Sixth is @ShariSayz.
She’s done some great voice work for me in Channel Surfing, Good Evening Mr. J, and Channel Surfing Again.
I may’ve been a bit of a task master with her a time or two while trying to mold and get the right sound, but I’ve never been harder on anybody than I am on myself.
Despite a few rocky moments, She has alway come through with flying colors and her Harley is great.
She’s also a pretty damn good singer, to check all that out go to http://Shaarc.ca.

Seventh, thanks to @ElTankoDeFranko for taking those pictures for What’s Your Name?, it took a few attempts to nail it but he did a great job.

Eighth, thanks much to @Fitzman73 for joining in and playing the Senator in Channel Surfing Again.
The dude was a one take wonder.
Check out his podcast (which I’ve done intros and bumps for) at http://JJ2End.com

And finally, an honorable mention needs to be made for @SteBoost for giving me technical help a few times, specifically on the Senior Moment opening title.

I know this is a bit long, but fuck it. These folks deserve to be put in the spotlight and have their work be seen and appreciated, this is the best way I can do that.
You’ll see all of their names again as I go through and do detailed breakdowns of all the videos.
please support them and check out their links.
Tell them if you like the work they have done, for me or on their own.

Once again, thanks to you all.

How It Happened: Bitch Slappin’ The Wind

May 27th, 2013: Memorial Day

On a road trip, stuck in a car headed to the small town where my grandparents are buried.
Sitting in the backseat (smashed against the door, which isn’t great for a fat dude) with my brother and his then girlfriend, watching the trees fly by.
image

Why did I do it?
Who the hell knows.
At that point I had no thoughts of a Youtube channel or anything beyond my twitter account.
But boredom does weird shit to your head and makes you think of something to entertain yourself.

I rolled the window down and started swinging my hand out it, I chuckled and said “look, I’m Bitch Slappin’ The Wind”…LIGHTBULB!
I whipped out my dick phone and had my brother shoot it.
We actually shot three different versions, one was a totally unnecessary 22 seconds long.
And then I had the idea to post it to the youtubes, something that I didn’t even know how to do back then, and see what happened.

Is it stupid?
Fuck yes!
BUT, to this day, does it still make me laugh?
Fuck yes, but I’m stupid like that.

So, now go watch what lead to the thing that became my driving force in life, my main creative outlet, and the thing I think about daily and try to come up with ideas to feed.

https://youtu.be/OBrVxZaKcT4

Humble beginnings, huh?
Posting it even cost me my internet connection for almost 2 weeks.

And incase anybody is wondering, those other 2 takes of Bitch Slappin’ were deleted because at the time I didn’t think I’d ever put up another video.
If I’d thought I would have kept posting shit I would have saved them and posted them on another channel.

Share this on Twitter with the hashtag #BitchSlappinTheWind.

One last thing, go watch my other videos to see what I’ll be talking about in future How It Happened posts.

#SDWatch A Scooby-Doo Halloween

So about a week or so back I proposed the idea of doing a twitter group watch of the What’s New Scooby-Doo? Halloween episode titled A Scooby-Doo Halloween on Halloween night.

It’s a tradition of mine that I’ve taken part in since the episode premiered over 10 years ago, in prime time on WB if I remember right.
It’s an episode that has a real old school feel to it, hell it even has a laugh track (that I hate) like Where Are You had.

So, anywho, I don’t expect a lot of people to take part but if you are interested I’m thinking 10 Eastern/9 Central/7 on the West coast on Halloween night would be the best time.
I know it’s kinda early for anybody out there in Cali but I had ta pick a time that wasn’t so late for the East, so my point is tough titties.

You can find the episode on the Complete Season 2 DVD…

image

…or I’m sure you could find it on Youtube or it may be available to stream somewhere.

If you wanna join in use the hash #SDWatch.
See ya then.

Welcome…but for real this time!

Hello humans, I am the first of a race of beings sent to study you and figure out what entertains you.

My cover story for roaming your planet is that I’m an aspiring Voice Actor, Writer, and/or Movie Director.

The following is my Mission Statement for what this site/bloggy type thing-a-majagagger will be used for.
First and formost: this will be a hub for keeping the few that care (god knows why) about the shit I do up to date.
That shit being my Youtube Channel, my writings on my buddy’s Scooby-Doo site, any and all Voice Actory type stuff I may do outside of my Channel such as the intros and bumps I’ve done for a few episodes of the Just Jump To The End Podcast.

Second: any rants, reviews, comments, or anything else I feel like based on Movies, TV, or Comics will probably go here as well.

Third: thoughts based on my experimentation on your pleasure centers and women.

Fourth, and maybe most importantly: I plan to break down all of my YT Videos and tell anybody that will listen how and why I came to force those unholy creations from my demented mind.

For now, I think that’s all I have to tell youse about.
Lets all try to forget that Alien nonsense or the probing shall commence.

…oh!
One last thing, life is hard enough so we should all make it our mission to not be a dickhead.
BYE!