How It Happened: Star Wars: The Challenge Of Darth Doom Episodes I – III

Get cozy, I wanna try to do this all in one go so it may take a while!


Parts I, II, & III were written on September 4th 2014 at 1:58 PM, September 4th 2014 at 5:42 PM, & September 7th 2014 at 2:56 AM respectively in emails to @_13Chris.
She and I were on twitter talkin’ about Star Wars or Lightsabers or some such shit and some how got on the topic of my Lightsaber collection and either I offered to show her my blades or I asked if she wanted to see them (I forget man, get off my ass).
I think I tried tweeting or DMing them but they wouldn’t send, so I ended up emailing her shots of my Dooku, Starkiller, and Bane blades, easy peasy…but as seems to happen alot with me and my conversations, some how it turned into a playful argument.
Suddenly she and I were trading emails about how we were going to beat the hell out of each other with plastic tubes that light up and make whooshing sounds…for the record, we’re both over the age of 8…but apparently we’re both still childish shitheads cause it was funny!

So, without even thinking about it too much, I figured I could win the “argument” real quick with a little short story where nobody really gets hurt, just a quick spar.
From her last reply to the time I sent the email that contained, what would go on to be known as, Episode I of my Star Wars story 23 minutes had gone by.
It was just a goofy little thing I wrote because I hate losing arguments and fights, yes even fake ones…I’m stupid like that. Hahaha.

It took her 5 minutes to reply, and she said she dug it.
In my classic style, I deflected and said I pulled it out of my ass.
But she said it again.
Here’s the thing you’ve gotta understand about all of this, rarely, if ever, do I share something like this with anybody, especially somebody I have never (and chances are, will never) met in person.
Just not my style, man.
Hell, even Ross, the dude I’ve said many times that I feel is like a brother to me (read more about Ross and how important he is to me and TS-D/JA Productions here), hasn’t gotten to read alot of the shit I’ve written cause I just don’t like sharing, I like keeping my shit close to the vest until it’s ready to throw out into the world for everybody.
But this?
This was just to win an argument…wasn’t it?


After she said it was good a time or 2 I think I just wanted to see if she was blowing smoke up my ass so I think I sent it to Ross & @Fitzman73 (I can’t find the emails, but I told @_13Chris in an email that I’d sent it to somebody for their opinion. Those are the only 2 I sent it too besides C-Dub at that point, I eventually shared it with @NeilGat also.).
Remember, this was September of last year, a full month before this site launched, so I didn’t know @Fitzman73 as well as I do today, but I knew for a fact that he was a fan of Star Wars for quite a few more years than I was.
Who better to ask to read it than him, right?

His replies literally stunned me.
First he said it was good, second he asked me if there was more.
My exact reply was “Nah, that’s all I wrote.
I did it in like 15 minutes in the middle of a wacky convo.”
His 3rd reply was the one that really threw me for a loop, he said it was better than some published Star Wars fiction he’d read.
Now, as should be obvious from reading this site for any amount of time, I’ve never had the most confidence in myself or my abilities, so my very first reaction was “this dude is a fuckin’ master of hyperbole”, but even if he was yankin’ my chain…A LOT…he still said he liked it.
Ross told me he thought it was pretty awesome, then encouraged me (yet again) to start a blog.
I can’t find @NeilGat‘s reaction, but knowing Neil it was pretty damn positive.

That’s 4 people, 4 different motherfuckers telling me this shit is good.
So let me tell you kids something, this picture just below this paragraph is 100% fucking true!
You encourage somebody enough and some cool shit is gonna happen.


As you can tell from the time stamps above, I immediately started writing Episode II.
No clue, at this point I had no plans to make it into a video, I had nowhere to post it, I think it was just a personal challenge (and we all know I love those) to see if I could even do it.
I’ve thought for all the years that I’ve been into Star Wars (which isn’t as many as some seem to think) that it would be pretty cool to write a story set in the Galaxy Far Far Away, but it just felt like it was to far beyond my abilities.
These 4 dug it, so why the hell not?

Watch Episode I and I’ll tell you more about II after I break the video.

Episode I:

Yeah, I know I fucked up in the opening crawl.
The Rise Of Darth Doom was actually my first title, but I decided based on where I wanted to take the story after I’d written Episode III that The Challenge Of Darth Doom fit better.
I didn’t notice the fuck up until after I posted the video (the same sort of thing happened with my most recent video Confessions Of A Two-Faced Joker, I spelled Engineering “enginnering”. It’s a real shit that should not be for you Babble fans out there.).

That voice was a motherfucker to figure out as well.
It took me about 3 weeks of recording, rerecording, and rerecording again to nail it down.
@SteBoost even offered to give it a shot if I couldn’t settle on something.
The voice I was going for kept sounding like a mixture of Christopher Lee and Bane from Nolan’s 3rd Bat movie.
Based on the story and the way the Sith talks, that’s pretty much what I was going for.
That hint of aristocracy, this dude feels because he’s learning the ways of the Sith his shit don’t stank!
That’s hard to pin down, I think I did it, but that’s for all of you to decide.
I have found since I posted Episode I that I can slip into the voice with ease if I just say the very first line “She came at me swinging with an as yet unseen fire in her eyes”, but it was pretty rough for a while.

I was also able to get @ShariSayz to come and play the part of Padawan Arkinov, which I named in her honor.
I don’t have much to say about Shari’s work beyond excellent.
She always comes ready to play, she’s easy to direct (which is surprisingly hard from a few hundred miles away), and gives me great options.
I’m lucky to have found a lady of her talents to join in.

You’ll notice as you watch these that Episode I has almost as many views as II & III combined.
Well, the only way to explain it is sheer dumb luck!
25 days after I posted Episode I the first teaser for Star Wars Episode VII The Force Awakens was posted…and while I saw the trailer and loved what I saw, I loved the effect that trailer had on my video even more.
That weekend I got about 110 views just from riding the wave, and it was FUCKIN’ AWESOME!!!
Never before or since have I had a weekend like that, it was amazing.

Another fun thing to come out of Episode I involves a dude who’s done sound effects for some of my other videos, @FromTheMonkey.
After I posted Episode I, Mike (a huge Star Wars fan in his own right) told me how much he dug the video.
He then took the vid and added sound effects to it and played it on his podcast which you can hear over on his podcast Just Give Me A Few Minutes.
In his talk up, he mentions my apprehension about him doing it and I want to explain that a bit incase any of you are wondering.

I know when George Lucas was in charge, everything (music, sounds, all of it) was pretty much fair game to use as long as you weren’t making any money or saying “HEY YOU, BUY MY STAR WARS STORY. YOU, YES YOU!!! BUY THIS.”
George was hugely supportive of fans playing around in his universe and telling their stories, but now with Disney (a multimillion dollar mega corporation) in control?
Who knows, man?
I’ve always preferred to err on the side of caution.
Mike kept telling me I was overreacting, but what can I say?
I’m paranoid!
Which is why, no matter how fuckin’ cool it would be, I’ve never used the music from any Star Wars Movie or TV Show.
Now, with that in mind, go listen to what Mike added to my story here.


So anyway, @_13Chris, @Fitzman73, @NeilGat, & Ross aka @SpiderScooby all dug the first part of this still untitled Star Wars story, so I hurriedly wrote part 2.
Again, Chris seemed to love it.
Asked me if I was writing more to which I told her I hadn’t planned to write either of them, but would keep her posted.
Fitz’s reaction was pretty good as well, he pointed out the descriptions.
I can’t find reactions from Ross or Neil, but they couldn’t have been bad or there probably wouldn’t be a 3 or 4.
So again, everybody dug it.

Making Episode II was way easier than Episode I, watch it and I’ll tell ya a bit about it after.

Episode II:

Yes, twice as long as the first Episode.
More brutality, more action, and (at least in my very biased opinion) more awesome.

I kinda fucked the opening crawl on this on
e too.
Somehow, the size of the font shrunk.
Pulling back the curtain on the way that I do these, after I finished Episode I, I used the same file and cleared the audio and star field picture out, but I saved the opening titles and closing credits.
I just go into the opening title file thingy and redo the crawl that way I don’t have to start from scratch, all about saving time.
Somehow it shrunk.
I fixed it on Episode III.

@ShariSayz really knocked this one out.
As I recall, she recorded the dialogue for I and II at the same time.
And damn it’s impressive…most impressive.
Technically, this was her last time truly playing Padawan Arkinov, though I did get her to do a tiny bit of business for Episode III.
I can’t say it enough, Shari rocks!

So again (before any videos have been posted), spurred on mostly by @_13Chris & @Fitzman73, I started writing again.
I can’t find any evidence that I told those 2, or anybody else for that matter, that I was actually working on a 3rd part to the story.
But this is where my memory really starts to get fuzzy, and I’m struggling to find any emails from the time that might help to fill in the gaps, but I think I may have written most of Episode III while listening to one or more of the Evening With Kevin Smith Q&A DVD’s.
Because usually when I sit down to write something I throw one of the 4 that are on disc in an let ’em spin while I scribble my madness.
They really are a relaxing welcoming listen when you’re trying to create, highly recommended if you’re a fan of the dude.

As you can tell from above, it took me 3 days to finally figure it out.
Since she inspired it, I sent it to the lovely @_13Chris first.
Unsurprisingly, she really seemed to dig it.

I wanna take a second here to shine a bit of a spotlight on dear lady Chris
It’s impossible to express how instrumental Chris has been in boosting me (and many folks on the twitters) when it comes to any sort of creative endeavors.
The chick is just plain awesome.
She’s always there when you feel like shit (which is pretty often for me), she’s always trying to instill confidence, lift you up, and make you fell better when you feel your worst.
The listeners of the Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave podcast all seem to be a pretty depressed group, and @_13Chris, more than anybody else I’ve seen, tries to make everybody feel better.
She’s got an insane fuckin’ Spidey sense and always seems to pop up when you need her.
If you’re reading this and you’re on twitter, click one of the spots where her name is highlighted and either follow her or just let her know how cool she is.
I try to often, but it’ll never be often enough.
You rock Chris.

Getting back on track, she dug it.
I’d also sent it to @Fitzman73, again because he’s the Star Wars guru I turn to for everything.
He dug it too.
And that was basically the end of it.
I still didn’t have this site yet so I wasn’t going to post it anywhere in prose form.
But shit man, I didn’t wanna let this die on the vine.
Then I have the obvious Jimmy Neutron-esque BRAIN BLAST and decided to make videos!

I think when I sent this around to the gang above I told them Episode III was written to be a slow burn to set up an eventual Episode IV, if I ever felt up to writing it.


As I wrote I kept getting these flashes of images of an Army of Clones in this grand hall…go watch/listen to the video and we’ll talk after!

Episode III:

See what I mean about it being a slow burn?
It has lots of quiet time in contemplation that leads up to that shock of the crisp Army of shiny new Clones.

Now, I specifically made sure Episode III went up in May as my little silent statement that I doubt anybody noticed.
I was kinda bummed when The Force Awakens was set for a December release date, I’ve said all along I’d prefer them to just delay is 6 months and release it in May to fall in line with the release schedule that George adhered to.
So as soon as this story of mine fell into my lap, I knew one of these Episodes was going to go up in May so at least there was something Star Wars in May.
Yes, I know that’s petty.
Also, I posted it on the 2 year Anniversary of my very first video Bitch Slappin’ The Wind.

As I’d said before, after Episode II I thought that I was done with @ShariSayz.
She’d answered my call for help for those first 2 parts and made it sing.
But as I was editing Episode III, I’d really started getting tired of the sound of my own voice.
I want to add somebody else to the mix just to break up the monotony me.
I’d written the part about the Padawan being on her last legs and in a final act of defiance against the tyrannical Sith she spit a mouth full of blood into his face.
Now when I asked Shari to play the Padawan, I figured I could do that on my own, but I tried and it just sounded like me.
Even with Doom saying that she spit in his face, to me, it sounded like me.
Me spitting in my face.
It’s one of those things that the majority of normal people probably wouldn’t notice, but if you’re someone like me that listens to cartoons and will call out who’s voicing who, it’s unacceptable.

So I fired off an email and ask Shari if she could do the sound for me.
It’s weird because you’d think a stupid human sound effect wouldn’t be that different, but it made all the difference and made the whole thing sing for me.
And it gave me one last shot to give Shari some credit for helping make these first 3 parts of the story come together as well as they did.
It’s not even a second long, but it sells the brutality of this monsterous beasts branded as Sith in a way I just couldn’t do alone.
Great work @ShariSayz!

As I start wrap up, I want to give you a wee little tease for the final installment, Episode IV.
Whilst I was writing 3 I remember kind of forming what would be the ultimate end of this whole story.
I wrote it in script form, rather than prose.
It introduces a 2 characters into the story who’ve not been from yet (but if you’ve been paying attention to the story so far, you can guess who they are) and a new voice that I’ve never recorded before.

At the time I wrote the conclusion, I didn’t know if it would be IV Episodes or V and I didn’t want to rush to the end just to connect the dots.
But with the help of @Fitzman73 (who was actually a great sounding board for the many ideas I had and brought a few of his own that really helped) I came up with great connective tissue to bridge the gap from the end of III to the scripted end I wrote.
Episode IV may end up being the longest Episode, and also my longest video, yet.

I’ve told her many times, but this is probably my favorite thing I’ve ever done, and I owe it all to @_13Chris.
I never thought I had a Star Wars story in me, but she found a way to bring it out.
A million thanks C-Dub!


If you’re interested, you can watch the entire story with this handy playlist:

Share this post on twitter with the hashtags #StarWarsDarthDoom & #HowItHappened.

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And finally!
The world is full of hateful, shitty, bitter people that will try to make you feel as low as they do.
Take a stand against them and combat all of that by putting a little bit of good into the world, even if it’s just a smile to a person having a bad day.
Thanks for reading.


Don’t Go Down There, Part 3

I gave myself a challenge, I wanted to write something fucked up and weird.
This is the produce of that self challenge.

Part 3 of what was planned to be a 3 part story, if you guys like this one I may turn it into a video trilogy, audio drama style.

You can read Part 1 at this link:

You can read Part 2 at this link:

If you want more, don’t be shy!
The only way for that to happen is for you to let me know in the comments below.

Anywho, I hope you enjoy…

He slowly took a step back, trying like hell to keep His blood soaked boot steady.
It’s head gushed with blood and he simply watched with the most interest, seeing the plasma burst forth in a great flood was the most exhilarating feeling He could think of.
The river of red traveled with great speed across the floor toward the pit He’d dug.
He continued backing, up while still watching the flow, until He bumped into His workbence.
He stood there with his ass against the hard wooden surface for a second and just watched, this was His favorite part.

He raised His hands up and pulled the top band of the mask up and over His face so that mask itself hung around His neck.
The smell of fresh blood found it’s way to his nostrils as soon as He lifted the band, His excitement begin to build.
He closed his eyes, opened His mouth, and tilted His head to the side.
His neck gave 3 sharp cracks, then He quickly twisted His head to the other side, and took a deep long breath.
His heart began to beat faster.
With the mask still down, He placed His hands on the gritty bench and lifted Himself up to sit on it.
His legs dangled as He opened His eyes to watch as the fountain of blood slowed to a trickle, sad to see it end so soon.
He looked down at his boot covered in the fruits of his labor.

Carefully, He scooted back on the bench and he raised His leg up to place His foot on the bench.
First, He picked the sliver of alabaster bone off of the laces and held it in His hands.
It looked like an oversized splinter, naught more than 3 inches long and an inch and a half wide.
He brought it close to His nose and inhaled it’s sweet scent.
He licked His lips and placed it behind Him in a small magnetic dish for screws.
The chunk of brain had some how gotten stuck in the laces, so He unlaced the boot and pulled it off His foot, bringing the boot up to His face to get a good look.
The blood was beginning to cool and coagulate around the edges, it was a beautiful sight.

He grabbed the brain off the tongue of the shoe and held it in His hands.
Almost instantly, He felt a stirring in His crotch.
He loved that the simple feeling of the spongey softness in His bare hands excited him so much.
Like everything else, He gave the brain a sniff, the tingle intensified.
He closed His eyes, stuck His tongue out and gave the squishy hunk of gray matter a lick, His erection exploded to it’s full intensity in seconds.
The flavor was the most magical thing He’d ever tasted, it was a blend of salted pork and the scent of wood stain dancing elegantly across His taste buds.

He looked up and the still twitching body going through the motions on the mattress and smiled.
It was horrific when seen with the strobbing light from the malfunctioning overhead, He loved it!
Suddenly, He heard a car pull onto the gravel in the driveway.
“Sooner than I expected!” He thought.
He quickly jumped off the bench, ran over and pulled the plug from the light.
As He ran back He slide on the same blood He’d slipped on earlier, but this time He went down.
His head smacked the cold, sticky, unforgiving concrete with a dull Thunk.
He felt His skull crack open, but the adrenaline was pumping so hard He couldn’t waste the time to think about it.

He rolled over onto His stomach, climbed to His hands and knees and hastily crawled over to the pit.
He put his hands into the holes in the rusty grate and lifted with all the strength He could muster.
Panic started to set in, He could feel His strength slipping away and He only had minutes, maybe even seconds, to cover up what He’d done and hide himself.
He grabbed the body by the neck and pulled…it didn’t move at all!
“MOTHERFUCKER!!! The chains! WHERE IS THE KEY?!?!?” He thought in anger.
He crawled the few feet to His bench and felt around on the surface, nothing!
The magnetized dish!
He pulled Himself up, swung His hand in that direction, and thankfully struck gold on His first attempt.
The bone sliver flew away as He ripped the dish off the shelf and stumbled over to the corpse, He heard the back door unlock.
He unstuck the key from the dish and threw the dish away, unlocked the chains that had bound It to the wall, and began the struggle again.
Reaching under It’s lifeless arms, lifting with his knees just life every idiot boss had told him since he’d started unloading trucks at 12, and promptly collapsed due to the exertion.
Just 4 feet may as well have been 400 miles at this point!

He grabbed the damn thing, planted his feet against the wall and “jumped” off, flinging them both half way there.
As He landed, not wasting any energy, He rolled another foot closer and pushed It toward the pit.
It flopped in that direction and, with great relief, went in the hole.
Now, where was He to go?
Footsteps on the floor above nearly blinded Him with rage!
“Why the fuck are they home so soon?” He asked Himself, not for the first time since He’d cracked his damn head.
The light over His bench was still on and He knew He’d never get there and back in time, so He ripped his other boot off His foot and threw it with all His might…and missed wildly.
“Cocksucker!” He said aloud ever so softly.
He crawled again, like a little bitch baby, over to the mattress and moved the TV, and grabbed the hammer within.
The footsteps reached the basement door.
He launched the hammer at the light like that blonde haired jackass from those stupid movies everybody loved…and again, luck was on His side!
The light exploded in a shower of sparks, He flung himself behind the rags They’d given It as the basement door flew open.
Light flooded down the steps and he passed out.

To Be Continued…


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Do something to put a little good out into the world to combat those assholes.
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How It Happened: Nature 2: An Icy Douche

As was the case with the first, this one came about because I had some nature videos and a slot to fill.

I have a slightly newer laptop that has a newer version of the Movie Maker on it (I think the one I’ve made most of my videos is Microsoft Movie Maker and the newer is Windows Movie Maker) and decided that since I was comfortable with MMM I’d try to stretch a bit, try and learn a new skill set/set-up.
And man, let me tell ya, there is a vast difference between the two versions.
Windows has alot of different options, but Microsoft has more flexibility which is why I’ve basically stuck with it.

So I’m digging around in WMM and screwing with this 1 nature video (that came preinstalled on the laptop, same as the three from the first Nature) I have that has a shit load of segments with different critters.
I found with WMM I can exponentially slow down and speed up the rate at which the video plays.
I started chopping up the different segments and messing with the speeds when I got a brain blast and the kernal of an idea started to form of yet another nonsensical journey through the animal kingdom with a bit more of a pretentious slant than the first go round.

Murdering Monster Horses, Crazed Flesh-Eating Birds, and Blood Galore, give it a watch and I’ll have a bit more for you after…

Notice the Scooby colors?
I’ve been trying to fit that type of shit in more and more, you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to fit it.

Anyway, you may have noticed the audio sounds a little bit…off…well, that would be because I wasn’t able to use my Rock Band mic and had to use the built-in on the laptop.
As stated before, I’m not the most tech savvy dude on the planet, so I haven’t been able to figure out how to set it up.
But, thanks to @Forgeticus helping me out when my mic died while I was getting ready to record Dumbass Poets Society 3: The Return, I may have figured out how to rig it up.
One great thing that I think came out of not being able to use the mic on this one was the dog bark.
I think that sounded pretty damn real and rough, far better than it could have with the mic.


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Try not to be a part of that, instead put a little good out there, kids.
Thanks for reading!

Typecast #13: JTF FTW? OMG, WTF!!!

Ok…I lost a bet.
Finally, @KCSmileHard gets her wish!
This time around my guest would be (barely) a man that one person has suggested needs to get a life…cause my guest, as you’ll see in just a sec when I finish trashing him, is a big stupid doo-doo head!
Yes, you guessed right, he is the most uninteresting man in the world…good ol @JoinedToFollow is in the hot seat to answer for his crimes against good taste.

We started this damn thing on March 3rd and killed the dirty bastard on June 29th, making this the one that took the longest to done get did.

We talked about alot of shit, all of which falls under that sweet sweet SModCo/View Askew Umbrella.


His name appears in red and links to his twitter account, @JoinedToFollow.
This conversation appears just as it was had, spelling & grammer fuck ups intact.

Away we go.

ThatScoobyDoom: How did you get to where you are today with your SMandom?
Are you a View Askew fan from way back or did you come in with the pod?

@JoinedToFollow Obviously I’d heard of Clerks when it came out but I was like 14 or 15 so going wasn’t really an option.

When I got to college they had like 4 on-campus movie channels and each channel would play one relatively new-ish movie on a loop for a week.
Kevin Smith was an obvious staple.

During my freshman year (and throughout the remainder of my college career) I saw Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and Dogma more times than I can count on those campus movie channels.

As far as theatrical viewings, I may have seen Dogma in the theater (the college years are a bit of a… Haze) but I definitely saw J&SBSB in the theater with my girlfriend (now wife).

Since then I have seen every Smith movie in the theater; including a Red State screening w/ a Q&A, and the ill-fated Tusk.

I believe the only acting performance I haven’t seen is him on DeGrasai.
Hell I even watched Catch and Release to see Kev (although not in the theater for that one).

ThatScoobyDoom: I was like 3 when Clerks came out so I could barely local my dick much less worry about a talky big people movie.

That would be late 90’s that you were in college?
Did you get to see that series that he did for MTV U or whatever the hell that channel was (wasn’t it exclusively available on there…not even sure it’s on DVD)?

Given his previous work, what did you think of Red State & Tusk?

I saw Catch And Release too, I’ll leave it at that.

@JoinedToFollow: It sounds so long ago the way you say it but yes I was in college during the magical time that the late 90’s.
Life was better when Third Eye Blind was on the radio.

I get a pass on the MTVU thing because I don’t know anybody that ever watched that channel.
I don’t think I could even find it on the dial.

I dug Red State.
Parks was great, Goodman was fantastic.
I enjoyed it from tip to tail.

Tusk was ok.
Not my favorite.
I like that he tried something new and I’ll line up for whatever he does, but it just wasn’t my favorite.
For me I think it suffered from all the hype on his pods, it was kinda built up.
Again, I didn’t dislike it (I bought it when it came out on iTunes) just not as good as Red State.

ThatScoobyDoom: Hey man, for me, that was a long time ago.
’99 is over half my life ago!
I don’t know about TEB, but almost everything was better in the 90’s for damn sure.

I hear ya, nobody seems to want to admit to watching that channel.

I thought they over sold Parks and under sold Goodman.
And that’s not a slam of Parks, I think I’ve made it clear I dug him (that church speech? come on!), but from his first frame to his last, Goodman owned that fuckin’ movie.

Still not seen Tusk, but I had a feeling that might happen.
So with that in mind, I tried to ignore they hype machine that they, understandably, built and ran.

What do you think about his career resurgence of late?

@JoinedToFollow: I’ll tell ya, I don’t think he ever really went away.
He’s consistently put out movies every 2-3 years since ’95.
They’ve always been funny and his core audience hasn’t shrunk (at least I don’t think it has).

The pods are new-ish but he’s been doing them since before Zack and Miri.
Has he hit 10 years yet?
I think he has.
Plus even before that he’s always done random things to keep his name out there… Flying Car on Leno, Degrassi, etc… I guess my rambling point is that he never really went away to need a resurgence.
But what do I know I’m an out of touch middle aged man.

ThatScoobyDoom: He’s been doing the pods since Clerks II wrapped production and while it’s true that he never really went away, there’s no denying he was done.
He’d had enough of the hollywood bullshit and felt tapped out.
His movie output has been up, and lets be honest, alot of folks, even if TV is better these days, still hold Movies in higher regard.
Doing TV used to be looked at as slumming it to folks that broke in on movies.
As best as I can remember, he’s never put out movies in back to back years either.

Don’t forget CBM on your list.

@JoinedToFollow: Sure he said “I’m done after (insert name of current movie here) but I never believed he’d quit.

And as far as CBM, I really don’t consider that a Kev project.
It’s a vehicle for two-thirds of the award winning podcast Tell-Em Steve Dave.
How’s that for a segue!!!

ThatScoobyDoom: I had a feeling he wouldn’t give it up, but he was cocksure he was done.
Plus, alot of the shit he was saying about the problems with the industry were, and continue to be, true.

Smooth…made even smoother by pointing it out…
So how’d you find ol Steve-Dave what Tell’s ‘Em?

@JoinedToFollow: I was listening to Smod since the Too Fat To Fly incident (I went back and looked it was 4/2010 when that happened).

And the only reason I didn’t listen before that was I didn’t do podcasts at all.
I started googling him around the TFTF thing and found his rebuttal pod.
I was hooked after that.
Sometime later he announced the start of TESD w/ Bry and Walt, and I downloaded and listened on Day One.

Since then I’ve listened to every ep, got the vinyl cast, all the X-mas eps and I’ve heard like 99% of the bonus pods (assuming the bonus pod for one listener never actually happened).

I’ve also been fortunate enough to have been mentioned on the show a few times (nothing like Fitzy has had), get a Twitter follow from Big Bry, and become friendly with a few of the more notable listeners on the Twitter.
And let me head off the next question, no Scoob, there is nothing of note about you…

ThatScoobyDoom: I started listening just a dick hair before that! I think I told Groupie this, but I’d been a fan for a bit and had gotten most of the movies and all 3 Evening With’s.
In Threevening, some dude asked Kev about getting Affleck on SMod and I was like “what the fuck is a SMod?”.
I wasn’t really online much at that point, still to this day never owned an Ipod, I’d never heard of a podcast.
But again, eventually I’d heard/seen/read Kev pimping twitter so well before I joined twitter I was following him.
He’d posted a link to and I listened and loved it.
Been listening since. I’ve listened to almost every pod Kev has done except the SMorning Shows.

I’ve only listened to a couple of the bonus pods, 1 x-mas, the rest were Overkill.
Did you listen to Overkill as it happened?

I’ve never gotten a single mention on the pod, probably most because I don’t really interact with Bry because he seems easily annoyed and I am easily annoying.
Would be cool to get a mention, for either of my accounts really.

What does that mean, nothing notable about me?
I coulda told ya that.

@JoinedToFollow: I did listen to Overkill weekly, as a Mac user I had to jump through a hoop or two but I did listen as they were released.

Quick side note, one of my on air mentions was during the Overkill announcement.
Q read my tweet on the show (it was a live mid-day show) saying Zune was not available for Mac users.

ThatScoobyDoom: I had a Blackberry at the time, I know the struggle, son.
That was a complete and utter bitch to figure out for me since I had little technical know how.

Was that in the SMornings/Jay & Bob Get Jobs/Plus One Per Diem feed?

I sorta had a bit of a plan for this but Kev recently fucked that up.
Mallrats 2, what do you think?

@JoinedToFollow: Pulling back the curtain for all 6 readers, im writing this entry loaded on St Paddy’s Day.


It must have been Smorning but I remember that the Zune announcement was hyped as a “Special Announcement at Noon”.
At least that is what I remember.

As far as Mallrats 2.
I’m a little worried but hopeful.
Mallrats is by far my favorite Smith flick and if he fucks up the sequel it will taint the original (just by knowing the awful future of those beloved characters).

That being said, he knocked Clerks II out of the park.
The tone was spot on (and it was just plain funny to boot).
If he can pay the same care to Mallrats 2 I suspect it will be fantastic.

ThatScoobyDoom: Hey, fuck you!
I average 30 readers…but then again, look at the guest…

I miss my Blackberry, I didn’t have nearly as much trouble downloading podcasts and shit as I’ve had with every phone since.

I’m not worried at all, I’ll go a little more in detail on Clerks II in just a moment, but he proved himself on that one.
He knows full well how to handle his characters years later.
Do you think Ralph will show up as the character he’s playing in Clerks III that was only mentioned in the first Mallrats?

Clerks II is just a dick hair shy of being my favorite movie of all time, if he had left the “Sex Nuts and Retard Strong” scene intact it would be!
From tip to tail, Clerks II is damn near perfect, not a single flaw from where I’m standing.

Who all would you like to see come back?

@JoinedToFollow: What character is Ralph gonna play?
I don’t think I’ve heard about that.
I have to agree that Clerks II is pretty damn good.

As far as returning cast, I’d like them all back.
So far they said Doherty would be back.
I hope Affleck will be in it.
Affleck is awesome.

Jason Lee isn’t doing much these days so he’ll probably be an easy get.
The London guy ain’t doing shit, he’s probably dying for a payday.

I hope Ethan Suplee makes it back too, and again he ain’t doing much.
This may be a long shot but I’d really like to see Team Lefleaurs (sp?) back.

I’m assuming Bry and Walt will be in (hope Q is too).
I just hope they are still a small role.
I could see their relatively new found fame might as a reason increase their role, but I like them as bit players in these movies.

ThatScoobyDoom: I can’t fuckin’ remember the character name, I wanna say Choey London, not sure.
But there was 1 mention of the character in Mallrats.
Kev said a few years back that Ralph would be playing that character because he’s the right age.
It’s like the animated shorts Kev said in one of the Groovy Movie Q&A eps he wanted to do in the lead up to Clerks III, nobody believes me when I mention it because I don’t have an ep number, but I swear he said it!
We can get back to Clerks II in a bit.

Rooker, Stan Lee, Mewes, and Doherty are all confirmed to return.
Ralph will be in it too.
Affleck would be awesome, but I feel like it’s a pipedream.
That dude is about to be Batman, he doesn’t have time to fuck girls in a very uncomfortable place like the back of a volkswagon…yes, I made that easy joke and I will make it again and again.

Lee and Suplee have both been doing alot of TV actually.
Plus Lee is printing money of those fuckin’ shitty ass Chipmunk movies, Road Chip come out this year or next year.
But more power to that dude, ride that wave cause it’s great exposure.

Mallrats 2 is pointless to me without Jason and Jeremy though, the first was their movie so it’d be weird if all of a sudden 2 new assholes are the lead.

Agreed, I thought they would have been great as prick customers in Clerks II.
But yeah, I think it would be strange to have them have bigger roles at this point…unless they get their own movie of course…which you know Walt would never star in a movie.

Update, Sean Hartle!
I’m 90% sure that’s who Ralph was said to be playing in Clerks III.

@JoinedToFollow: Well looks like we got Jason and Jeremy back!
Rooker too…
That was a bit of a shock since his star has risen quite a bit since the last trip to the Eden Prairie Mall.

My wife is convinced that Affleck is gonna be in it.
I hope so but I bet Warner has his schedule locked up pretty tight these days.

Anyway I’m psyched for that.
Also on an unrelated tangent I’m psyched to join the 4 Color Demons when the website is up and running.
Just listened to Ep 241 of TESD.

ThatScoobyDoom: Rooker doesn’t surprise me since he seems to genuinely like Kev and crew.
They run into each other every once in a while and Rooker always seems cool.

Kev has said that he wrote everybody from the first one back into this one.
So he definetly wants Affleck…but I have to side with you.
He’s barely gonna get enough time to do the small movies he’s developing, directing, and producing.
Not a slight against Kev at all, but I just don’t think he has time for nooch at this point.
I’d love to be wrong though.

I listened to it too, sounds kinda cool.

@JoinedToFollow: Yea I was just telling my wife how psyched I was for the movie.

ThatScoobyDoom: You and everybody else, man.

Lets get a bit back on track, what did you think of the newest Audio Drama the T’ES-D fellers did?

@JoinedToFollow: I’m ashamed to say I don’t have it yet…
This may be the public shaming I need to get it tho.
You like it?

ThatScoobyDoom: I haven’t listened to the first one, so I can’t compare them, but this new one is pretty good.
The mini pod after the stories where they pick apart Sunday Jeff’s story is such a funny roller coaster of ball busting, ego stroking, and just classic Walt/Sunday moments it alone is worth the listen.

I don’t remember if we talked about this or not, but Have you gotten any of the bonus pods/extra shtuff?

@JoinedToFollow: With the exception of the audio books, I have all the bonus pods, vinylcast (though sadly not a red one), and the puppet theater.
I also have the Zune episodes.
I think the vinylcast is my favorite of the bunch.

ThatScoobyDoom: Lets fall down the Vinylcast rabbithole a bit, I still haven’t heard it.
How long is it?

@JoinedToFollow: I’m finally back to respond!!!

I don’t recall the exact length, I think it was about an hour.
A large portion was devoted to Walt explaining the album cover (if I remember correctly, it’s been a while).

I primarily bought it (as I suspect most did) to hang that bad boy in my office at work.
I can assure you it got quite a few weird looks/comments.

ThatScoobyDoom: I’ve seen the album art, it looks like an acid trip fantasy of an apocolyptic TESD Town…before there was ever a mention of a TESD Town!

Wasn’t that the first kickstarter project?
If so, did you get in on that?

@JoinedToFollow: I believe it was a Kickstarter and yes I did get it through that.
Funny enough, the guys just said that they would never crowd fund again.

ThatScoobyDoom: I can understand their reluctance with the pressure of waiting fans, remember how much of a clusterfuck it was for them to get that out on time?
Compound that with the mess that the T-Shirts were and now the stop-motion, even if folks aren’t complaining it still sucks to say “it’s gonna be out in March” and 3 months later it’s still months away from dropping.
I totally get it.
I couldn’t do it, mad respect to them for retrying after so many failures.

They’ve talked about maybe doing another vinyl, would you want that or would you prefer a new bandcamp/audible release instead?

@JoinedToFollow: Personally I’d prefer a vinyl cast 2.
But that’s just me.
What id really like is for them to do some more live shows.
I’ve seen Kevin Smith speak (after the Red State screening), seen the Tenderloins, but a live TESD would take the cake for me.

ThatScoobyDoom: Really?
Even though it would have a time limit?

Yeah, I think the best you can hope for on that front is a Space Monkeys show.
Because, unless it’s local, and even then there’s no promise of it happening, Walt won’t do it.
Probably not even with a puppet.

@JoinedToFollow: That’s the whole point… The exclusivity!!!
I’m one of a very small population that has the Vinylcast (and I’m so jealous of the folks that lucked out and got a red one… Looking at you Fitzy!!!).

Yea I kinda assumed I’d never get to see them live.
But we can hope.

ThatScoobyDoom: I get it, I’m completely on the outside looking in on with all the merch.
If not for a lovely lady ant I’d not have the dogtags, which are fucking awesome!

Speaking of seeing Kev live, my memory sucks, did we go into that at all?

@JoinedToFollow: I don’t recall if we got there or not, but I’ve seen him once.
I got to see a a Q&A following Red State Showing.
And not to jump around too much but I really liked Red State a lot.
Such a good movie.
Great casting, great script, great acting.
It’s probably in my top 3 Smith movies.
Maybe Top 5.

ThatScoobyDoom: Lets stick to that Q&A for a minute, I have the 4 that are available on disk.
Kev seems to be a great stage showman, but he himself has said when you add cameras to the mix it changes the game.
Especially after a movie like Red State, how different was he from the dude I’ve been watching talk for years on discs?

@JoinedToFollow: He was exactly like he is on the Q&As.
I have to say it was cool seeing him.
He introduced the movies and as he was walking to the back of the theater as the movie started he passed near me and I yelled out his name.
He gave the the “Hey” and a point.
Sounds stupid but I was pretty psyched!

I remember I asked the T-Shirt guy what Walt was like.
Even at a Kevin Smith event I’m a diehard ant.

ThatScoobyDoom: That’s encouraging.
Not that I expected it from Kev, but when celebs go out and do shit like that you almost inevitably hear some story about them being assholes, aloof, cold, or just having there head up their ass.
I know you didn’t “meet” him, but it’s good to hear he seems to be genuine no matter what.

Dave Thomas aside, who was the Shirt slinger?

What do you remember of the actual Q&A?
Did anything cool come out of it?

@JoinedToFollow: Truth be told I don’t remember his name.
He was friendly and I chatted with him for a bit.
I think he was part of the Jersey crew but I don’t remember him ever being in a movie.

As far as the actual Q&A a lot of it was covered in previous Smods and the Red State pod he was doing.
Not sure why folks would ask questions he’d already answered.
I do recall I had a wicked case of pink eye from my son so I only had one contact lens in and had a wicked headache from it the whole night.

ThatScoobyDoom: I’ve wondered the same and I think it might just be they wanna hear it in person.
The Superman story is good, but if he’s telling it TO YOU, building the crazy screen in the air, looking at you while he does, it’s an experiance you’re not likely to forget.
I’ve thought for years what would I ask if I went to a Q&A, not a bloody clue.

Yeah, that does suck.
I got it once cause some shithead came to school with it, wiped out half the class.

@JoinedToFollow: Yea I have to say it was pretty cool just to be at one of the Q&As.

And as I said before the movie was awesome.
I didn’t know what to expect but I was totally blown away by how much I enjoyed the movie and the Q&A was a nice bonus after the movie.

ThatScoobyDoom: I’m still mixed on RS cause I didn’t know what to expect and it delivered on the unexpected.
A weird little movie, indeed.

Yeah, some people on twitter were bitching about the ticket price and I was baffled by that.
Where the fuck else are you gonna go watch an independent movie, made by a dude that is pretty well known around the world, and then that same world known dude is gonna come out on stage and let you ask him, quite literally, any fuckin’ thing you could possibly think of, up to and including “what was it like the first time you fucked your wife?”…and for those wondering, pop in the first Evening With dvd to learn the answer to that gem.

Now, lets swing back to Clerks II.
We both were slobbering on it’s balls earlier (well, you were, I just watched and jerked it a little), what made that one so special for you?

@JoinedToFollow: I’m not sure why I liked it so much.
It was just a funny movie about folks getting their shit together.
Kevin Smith is good at writing characters that feel like guys you hang out with (at least they’re like the guys I hang out with).

Chasing Amy, while an excellent movie, is just not set in a world that I live in.
Clerks is good but it’s “too smart” to really identify with.
J&SBSB and Dogma are also great but they’re not exactly “slice of life” stories.
Mallrats is probably the other movie he did that I can really identify with.

It’s the same reason that TESD is my favorite pod.
Guys talking about every day life, especially the older stuff (still like the new stuff, it’s just a different tone).
I’m just more interested in hearing about folks doing what I perceive to be like what I’m doing.
I’ve never brushed with Icy Hot but it’s totally something I could see myself doing.

ThatScoobyDoom: Well, Clerks II is really personal for me (and I sort of touched on this a bit in one of my Typecasts with @ScoobyAddict) in how Randal’s story unfolds.
I grew up in a house without internet, with all this tech shit going on in the world, I really truly feel like the world passed me by a long time ago.
He’s a dude adrift, he has no clue where to go next because his best buddy just told him “I’m moving, bye!” now, I don’t have a close personal friend like that that lives real close, but I do have a few folks I’m tight with.
Now all I gotta do is find me a couple of fuckin’ stoners to make my goddamn dreams come true and give me a happy ending…not the handy kind.

Agreed on all accounts, especially Mallrats.
I can imagine myself being a loser nerd in a mall and having Batman beat the fuckin’ dust off my ass.

Agreed here too, some folks get bitchy about TESD saying they’ve changed.
But ya know what, if they got a TV after the hottest, highest rated show on TV (CBM), or a show that is promoted like crazy with a loyal fan base (IJ), and they didn’t fuckin’ change, I’d probably quit listening because it would really seem disingenuous.
If they were still the same dude that bungled and struggled to get out a goddamn record it’d be sad.
Folks gotta grow.

Also, the Icy Hot Toothpaste was one of the best stories in the history of podcasting.

@JoinedToFollow: It’s funny you mention the Vinylcast again.
My wife just got me a turn table for Father’s Day and the first record I listened to was the Vinylcast.
I don’t think I had heard it since I got the MP3 with the record way back when.
Pretty much then whole first side is talking about the cover and the B-side is them playing a game with somebody who didn’t pre-order the album (and basically admits to cheating during the game).

Best part was that Walt made the game impossible to win.
I hope they do a second Vinylcast, it’s easily my favorite piece of TESD merch that they have offered.
Although the 4CD patches do look nice.
I might have to get one sooner or later.

ThatScoobyDoom: Sweet, based on that stunning turn of events, here are my questions:

Why did haven’t you listened too the MP3 again?

Doesn’t everything on that cover have a hidden meaning or something?

Is the game a variation of 1, true, 3?

Did anything from that ever come back around in the main pod?

As I said before (I think) all I have are the dogtags (thanks to a lovely 13%er, hi C-Dub!) so by default those are my favorite piece of merch.

Those patches are pretty fuckin’ awesome, but I’d be happy with one of the shirts…or any of the shirts for that bloody matter.

@JoinedToFollow: Well truth be told I rarely re listen to any pods.
I just don’t have the time.
I have all the TESDs saved so I can listen again, just really don’t ever seem to get around to it.
I never understand the folks that say they’ve listened to TESD 4x through (no offense Groupie) I just would never have the time.

Yes pretty much everything on the cover means something.
Some of it is pretty out there but yea it’s all got a meaning.

Surprisingly no it’s not a variation of 1 True 3.
Well… Actually… It’s a little like it.
Walt names two albums one of them is made up and one is real.
So yea I guess it’s exactly like 1 True 3.

I really think the Vinylcast stayed pretty self contained.
I can’t really recall anything getting much mention.

All in all I am pretty glad I got it.
It’s almost as rare as a Puck Nuts shirt (which I wish I had).

ThatScoobyDoom: Hey, back when TESD was in the 180’s-190’s, I’d been through it 3 times tip to tail.
Same with SMod.
Now I listen to every ep twice before deleting off my phone.
Some folks have jobs where they can listen to pods all day, I think @PeekABooBlondie is one uh dem.
But as shit gets worse, I have less time to do the shit I enjoy too.
But I get it.

What is the weirdest thing on the cover?

Lol, so it’s 2/3rds of a 1, True, 3 rip-off?

Right on, I don’t think I’ve heard of many being disappointed by it.
Mainly because it was just so cool and random of an idea.

The 3 pieces of their merch I want or wish I coulda got in on is the Claymation because I love stop motion, the first demon shirt cause it’s pimp as fuck, and the Puppet DBD…yes, DBD, cause it sounds so cool.
Honorable mention to the Makin’ Hay book, mostly because I love the Shootin’ The Shit book.
I wish they had released an audio book version of Shootin’ The Shit with the clips stitched together but… Hey, if you include that book there are some SMod’s I’ve experianced over 10 times!

@JoinedToFollow: While not the weirdest my favorite thing on the cover is the Sunday Jeff Angel.

10 times huh.
That is pretty nuts.
So let’s flip the script for a second…
What’s your favorite TESD moment?
Mine is by far “Bring It Steve Dave, Sing It Steve Dave!”

ThatScoobyDoom: I haven’t looked at that cover in a good long while, I’ll hafta take another peek to refresh myself on that.
Walt does some great likenesses though.

Again, that’s including the book and not every ep, just the key eps and moments.
Like 259: The Walrus And The Carpenter, I’ve probably heard that closer to 15 times because it’s just a fucked up story that was willed into a movie.

Hands down, my favorite TESD moment is from 33.5.
Walt’s Ming impression of “IT WAS SUSAN?!?!?!?”.
There is so much in Walt’s delivery of those 3 little words he could have won an Oscar with that performance.
You hear the obvious mocking, but he’s got shock, anger, offense, bewilderment, and to cap it all off he sounds like he’s gonna cry in dismay.
I laugh like a maniac every single time I hear it.

@JoinedToFollow: No real question here so I’ll take this time to remind your 10s of readers how awesome I am… Very, very awesome.

ThatScoobyDoom: That is one man’s opinion, nobody ever said that man was bright but…

Pulling back the curtain a bit, which brings me to what we can close with.
And this is something you and I have talked about privately and quite a few people have brought up recently, why are you such a mean stupid doo doo head?

No but seriously, this whole “troll” issue.
What’s up with that?

@JoinedToFollow: I don’t know why folks think I “troll” you.
I suspect you have a loyal follower base that doesn’t like the perceived barbs I throw at you.
*I think* we’re both in on the joke.

Perhaps these are people that have never had that one “asshole friend” well that is just the role I seem to be destined to play.
I once told my buddy his girlfriend wasn’t as ugly as I thought she’d be… in front of her… and I meant it as a compliment.
It’s just kinda what I do.

Anyway, this was good times and I’m sure you never thought it’d take 3 months (I averaged like 1 response every 8 days I think) to finish.

Thanks for asking me and fuck you Doom…. Fuck you very much.

ThatScoobyDoom: I’m not in on any joke…you’re an asshole and I hate you.
This is just the forum I chose to publicly shame you.
But seriously, yeah, I get it.
I mean, sure, alot of times you say shit that I’m thinking anyway, so then I have 2 annoying voices in my head, but I think for the most part I sling shit back just as hard as you throw it.

The strangest one was the one fucker that DM’d me about you and asked if you caught me with your lady cause that would be the only thing to explain why you’re such a dick.
And when you try to explain it’s just jokes…some seem confuse by the idea, but it’s how alot of dudes joke.
Shit down each others mouths but if it comes down to it they could probably rely on each other for help.

Hehehehe, I once did something similar actually.

Ross held the record for longest period to do a Typecast at 6 weeks, you more than doubled it.
So finally, after a lifetime of disappointment, you FINALLY broke AND now hold a record.


Thanks to JTF for taking the time to do this, the dude is pretty busy.
If you want more of ol JTF (and why would you? See a doctor for christ sake!) be sure to follow him on the twitter:

Share this post on Twitter with the hashy taggy #Typecast.

And finally, the world is a hard place full of shitty people doing shitty things.
Try not to be one of them, try to put a wee bit of positive in the world.

Thanks for reading.