How It Happened: Channel Surfing Again

Hey gang!
Time to break down Channel Surfing Again, so settle in as I get to explaining this little late night stoner brain dropping of mine.


Watch the video and afterwards I’m slappin’ it out on the table, lets have some fun!

Pretty fuckin’ goofy, right?
And that’s why I bloody love it.


The Opening: The lovely @ShariSayz came back to play my wifey!
Just like the first 1, I needed something to give me a reason to have the TV going, and what better reason could there be than having to take a shit…and who doesn’t want a TV in the shithouse???
Nobody, that’s who!
So dude goes to take a boom boom and his lady says no TV?
That shant stand!


Senate Ad: As those of you that listen to Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave (and if you’re reading this, there’s a 80% (or higher) chance you are a TESD listener) know, there was a joke about long time TESD listener, and frequent TS-D/JA Productions collaborator, @Fitzman73 being “a Senator or something”.
Well, as I was getting to know Lord Fitz better, I figured why not fuck around with that image/joke a wee bit?
So I wrote the ass end of a goofy little ad that made a little reference to an episode of Fitz’s podcast Just Jump To The End (he may have even suggested I make the reference, I can’t remember), I designed his “campaign logo” using the Superman colors, he recorded his lines, and I slapped it all together.
My favorite part of this segment is the selfimportant voice I chose, it drips with the fake bullshit nature of all political ads.
And the quick little “Paid for by the ants” makes me chuckle too.


Knife Showcase: We’ve all seen this video, the dude slinging knives on the tube cuts his hand or what ever the hell and he tries to keep his cool.
That type of shit is a late night TV staple, so I had to make reference to it at some point. Haha


Channel 37 News: This was another instance of universe building.
Bringing back the news station from the first Channel Surfing, but this time making reference to one of my other videos Dumbass Poets Society 2: Fallout.
The anchor throws to the Family Guy reporter doing an update on the events in that video.
I also changed the slogan of Channel 37 for 2 reasons.
1. I didn’t want folks to just fall asleep because they already saw that picture in the first one.
2. I’ve noticed that the local news would run shit, especially entertainment news, that was 1-4 days old and act like they were breaking it.
And if you bring the internet into the equation, the lag time is even longer.
It’s baffling.


Jerry Springer-Esque: The picture was taken at the former bar across the street from my house, to simulate the back alley, big city feel of the Jerry Springer set.
Again, trash TV like this is a late night staple.
How could I skip it?
@ShariSayz gave me an adorably sweet delivery of a pretty serious line.
She definitely made it better than I expected, especially on that 2nd lines.
I get the feeling her character is a sweet, innocent, lovely young girl that just found out she’d been cheated on.
She’s probably not a foul mouthed lady, so she’s saying her first curse words too.


Craig Ferguson: For years, every night at midnight, I would switch the channel from the Charlie Rose show on PBS to CBS to watch The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson.
Seriously, years.
And if I missed an episode I would feel bad.
THAT is how much I loved Craig’s run on Late Late.
So it was around then, or before, that Craig announced he was leaving the show…and it was pretty heartbreaking.
For years, Craig was there through all the hard times, we were there with him through quite a few of his hard times.
Making weird, goofy, off color jokes, unlike anybody else, with the possible exception of Conan O’Brien.
Making you laugh, cry, think, and wonder.
To this day, I maintain that Craig is one of the greatest interviewers to ever have his own show, he’s up there with Charlie Rose.
So as a way to say thank you for all the laughs and entertainment Craig has provided me with over the years, I wanted to pay tribute to him in this.
The image is a variation on his gay, robot, skeleton, side-kick named Geoff (voiced by Josh Robert Thompson).
The vocals are my spin on one of Craig’s long time bits, Italian Bill Clinton.
James Corden does a great job hosting Late Late, he’s made it his own, but I’ll always miss what Craig did.


Nature Show: Inspired by Steve Irwin and his always entertaining work, an over excited nature presenter describing another one of his astounding adventures.
Not much depth to it beyond that. Haha
The picture was taken in my backyard, which looks like a jungle in summer time.
Trees, flowers, vegetables, bushes, if you shoot it right, you could make a jungle movie/nature doc in that sumbitch.


Dating Show: This here was another funny little bit of business.
This is a segment, much like another coming up shortly, that WILL NEVER HAPPEN, but it would be so damn awesome if it did.
You know they would never let a gay dude slip through as a potential date for a straight woman…why would they?
It would just be wasting her time and taking away a potential date for her.
They would also never let a dude that LITERALLY just threatened to kill the contestant, and you’d think nobody is stupid enough to scream that intention infront of a rolling camera.
Neither one of them makes any fuckin’ sense whatsoever…but think of how hilarious/interesting that would be!
It would be more interesting than the top 10 highest rated TV shows combined!
So much dysfunction, it would be riveting.
But alas, it only exists here, in the twisted world of TS-D/JA Productions.
And again, @ShariSayz sold the fuck out of it, and made it better.
A true elevator of the material.


Hal’s Qwik Check Commercial: Just like in the first video, this is a reference to a series of videos that still has not happened, Why Us.
Mr. Mike A.K.A. @FromTheMonkey did me a solid and voiced Hal.
There’s not much meat to this segment either, but hopefully if I dust off Why Us, write an ending, and get these damn things out there it will make that series even deeper because of the long history I’ve built for the character/universe.


Zombie Movie: The picture is of my hand, run through Microsoft Paint.
I’d somehow gotten a cut on my wrist, so I put two little droplets of blood coming from it.
I colored my finger nails black, added some cracks.
Painted some veins on my arm and hand, threw some color spectrum effect on it that made it all seem to glow, and it was ready.
I have ALWAYS been a HUGE fan of Zombies, Zombie movies, and Zombie TV shows, I can’t explain why.
There’s just something fucked up about somebody gettin’ dead…then standing up and walking/running after some poor dunch, and chewing their goddamn guts out.
Some have said the best Zombie stories mirror our political or social climate, but I say that’s dogshit.
Just give me rotting corpses chasing after some poor schlub that can make me believe it’s real and I’m happy.
I don’t need overtones of some other nonsense.
I would kill to make a Zombie movie of my own, but for now this segment is as close as I’ll get…or is it?


Channel 69 News: This is the other segment that will never happen.
For years, I have watched the news and some dude gets hit by a car, he slip into a coma, and you have a parade of people saying what a good soul he is.
He feeds birds, he kisses babies, he buys girl scout cookies, he helps old ladies cross the street, the motherfucker is 1 miracle away from bona fide sainthood…I call BULLSHIT!!!
I would pray to Jebus and Santa’s dyslexic twin that just 1 goddamn time when somebody would ram their car into a school for blind, deaf, retarded, 1 legged bunnys, and launch through the windshield, skid across the ground (turning their face into ground hamburger meat on the pavement), and you would have just 1 dude in the parade of dimwitted interviewees say “ya know, fuck that guy. For 2 years, 2 FUCKING YEARS, this cocksucker has owed me $246…2 YEARS!!!
He won the lottery…TWICE…he never gave me a cent.
Fuck him, I kind hope the injuries…LEAVE THE CAMERA ON ME, DON’T YOU CUT TO THE STUDIO…I kind hope the injuries are so severe that they kill him.
I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna see the money anyway, right?” because as it is, it’s just the same fucking shit…over…and over…and over…and over…AND OVER…AND OVER…AND OVER…AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN!!!
Just different people saying the same shit…FOR YEARS!!!
It’s further proof that The News is just bullshit, paint by numbers, soundbite collection entertainment.
You may think this is a big joke, but I swear to fuck it drives me batshit crazy.
Fucker dies, bunch of fuckers repeat the same lines.
It feels scripted, directed, forced.
This segment is me spitting water in the face of TV News and saying fuck you.
Also, the Channel 69 logo is pussy pink and the numbers looks like boobies! Teehee!


Music: Because I did it in the first, I had to do it again.
I called on @Woody_TESDFan and his band Shoot The Moon to provide me with a song, and they gave me an early version of their song I Want What You Got off of their upcoming 2nd album.
I really can’t say it enough, or express just how appreciative I am to Woody and the fellas for allowing me to to play with one of their songs, especially a unfinished song.
I look at this way, through a movie prism, I was the dude that was given the exclusive teaser trailer for their next movie.
It’s not finished, but it gives you a taste, gets you excited for it.
Woody also provided the photo.
All in all, it’s good shit!
Thanks guys!


TV College: This is another staple of crappy TV.
They find some loud motherfucker with an accent or affectation, have them move around a lot, and edit it like some sort of shitty vlog.
It’s like these things are aimed at fuckin’ 5 year olds…or somebody else with a short attention span.
The image is sloppy as hell because that’s how I imagine these TV Colleges would look, basically 1 step above a fuckin’ outhouse.
I know they aren’t, but I like to think they are.


Senatorial Debate: My memory is a bit murky on this one, but I think when I asked Fitz to do this I didn’t actually give him the full script for this scene.
I seem to recall wanting him to experience it with the audience.
I’m pretty sure all I told him was that he would be in a debate and I needed him to start his reply with a bit of an awkward laugh.
I love the idea of 1 politician having a complete and utter mental break down and the other guy has to soldier on.
Then I threw in a little bit of Nixon/Admiral Ackbar as the moderator, and the ever so clever Master Debaters tag, you have the magic of this segment!


Boner Pill Commercial: Again, a late night staple. Haha
I specifically made this sorta spin out of what @Fitzman73 said in the last segment cause it makes me giggle.
“What my opponent doesn’t seem to understand is that *shkurrr* your dick don’t get hard?” is just fuckin’ funny, man.
And read that disclaimer line under the slogan, that’s funny as hell too.

Closing Segment: My youtube wifey @ShariSayz busts the damn door down and starts breakin’ my balls when I’m tryin’ ta pinch a poo off.
The same picture as the opening segment makes it’s triumphant return to close us out.
I’m proud of the details in this picture, though I’m still not happy with how the crapper just floats there.
I mean, there are turd bowls that don’t have pedestals, but I’m not that great of an artist and I wanted to do it myself.
But look at the remote and the shower door, ain’t it cool?
I done did it all on me onesie!
…no head pat like a puppy what piddled on the pad…?
Okay, moving on!

There’s also a reprisal of the Zombie segment and the song from @ShootheMoonBand.


And that’s it for this go round, gang.
Please go thank all of the cool fucks what helped make this video what it was.
@ShariSayz, @Fitzman73, @FromTheMonkey, & @Woody_TESDFan/@ShootheMoonBand have been great helps in many many projects.

And finally, as I say every damn time, the world is a rough fuckin’ place.
It is your duty to do anything in your power to change that.
The world needs less dickheads in it, and a kind word to somebody on a bad day can help more than you’d realize.

Thanks for reading, I’ll see ya next time.


Don’t Go Down There Part 5

As you all know by now, many months ago I gave myself a little challenge.
I wanted to write something truly horrific, fucked up, disgusting, and weird.
This is the product of that self challenge.

What follows is Part 5 of what was originally thought to be a 3 Part story, if you all like this story I just might turn it into a series of videos, audio drama style, some day soon.

You can read Part 1 right here:

You can read Part 2 right here:

You can read Part 3 right here:

And you can read Part 4 right here:

If you want more, please don’t be shy!
The only ways for that to happen is for you to let me know in the comments below or through tweets and retweets.
Any and all encouragement leads to more if this kind of derangement.

Without further ado, Please Enjoy Part 5 of Don’t Go Down There!

Aunt Shei…no, It’s still closed eyes started moving back and forth under It’s lids.
He smacked It’s disgusting face again, the sound of flesh on wet flesh hung in the air.
It’s eyes slowly opened, It raised It’s swollen, blood soaked face and looked up at Him.
He smiled at It.
It tried to stand, but, just like His recently dead previous victim, It’s arms were chained behind It’s back and to the wall.
It had a urine soaked rag covering It’s eyes, just like the last Thing had, and one stuffed in It’s mouth.
He and Stacey wanted to humiliate the bitch.

Sheil…It! Damn it, It!
It spit the rag out once It started getting It’s bearings.

He ripped the rag off of It’s face so he could see the complete and utter disdain in It’s eyes as It tried to spit the taste out of It’s mouth.
“It’s kind of poetic, right? I mean, we were going to go hunting for a new victim, but you deserve it more than anybody else we ever could have chosen.
Isn’t it, Stace?” He said looking at the love of His life.
She stood back behind Him and stared at Her Mother, whose eyes started welling up with tears.
Stacey stepped forward and spit in Her Mother’s face, it hurt Sheila more than all of His abuse ever would or could.

The wad of spit hung from Sheila’s chin, as Stacey stepped back and snaked Her arms around His waist.
Again, their lips met.
Sheila recoiled, seeing Her Daughter and Nephew behave in such a way made her stomach churn…and they knew it.
They parted Their lips and turned in It’s direction, wiggling Their tongues at each other, simply trying to disgust Sheila.
It gagged and puked down the front of It’s shirt.
They both laughed.
He walked up and kicked It in Her chest, It’s back slammed into the wall.
He walked back toward His bench, shaking the vomit off of His boot as He went.

“What did I ever do to you two?” It asked with a slight slur while trying to catching It’s breath.
He turned back toward It with His arms outstretched and screamed “YOU CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT???”, spittle flying from his lips.
Again, It physically recoiled.
“I have done nothing but treat you both with more love and respect than you ever showed me.” It said, starting to hyperventilate and blubber worse with each word.
“And now, finally, you are going to pay dearly for it, mother.” Stacey said, staring a hole through It.

Sheila tried to stand up again, and He ran up and kicked Her feet out from under Her.
“IT DOES NOT MOVE UNTIL IT’S TOLD TO FUCKIN’ MOVE, BITCH!” He bellowed as It’s body hit the matress with a dull wet thud.
“It’s not right, it’s not natural.” It sobbed.
“I took you in when your mother, my sister, died. She would be so disgusted if she could see what you two are doing, what you’ve done. It’s wrong.”
It crawled to It’s knees again.
“Well, you can tell that gross dead swine all about us when you see her in just a few minutes, Mom.” Stacey said.
It was like a knife through Sheila’s heart, Her own daughter, who had fallen so far away from that beautiful little girl who would cry for Mama to read her another bed time story, who gave her a night night smooch until the age of 15, had just told Her that They planned to kill Her.
Sheila’s shoulders slumped.

He walked to his bench, grabbed something small, then stalked towards It.
It looked up at Him and He smacked It’s face with the back of His hand and said “Don’t you dare look at me.”
He fiddled with the chain behind It’s back, where it attached to the wall, and unlocked it.
He walked in front of It’s and yanked the chain toward His bench, It braced.
He yanked again and It collapsed to It’s knees.
The bone cracking sound of It’s knees hitting the cold hard wet cement was sickening, made worse by the scream that followed.
“What are you doing to me? Let me go, damn you!” It screamed.
“Stacey, open the fuckin’ pit, move the grate, lets throw It in!” He hissed.
She did as She was told as He drug Her Mother to the edge.
He shined a light down into it’s depth and laughed a deep belly laugh.
“Look down there” He said “it’s your neighbors, sweet old Mrs. Shapiro and Mr. Tomlinson, and who’s that I see? Why, it’s none other then your dear friend, Mr. Umber! Care to join them?” He said, as He shoved Her in.

Stacey stood by His side and barked with laughter as Her Mother fell onto the rotted, stinking, bloated corpses below.
It’s face landed on the lower back of a body that had started decaying.
The stench made It gag, which was starting to hurt It’s swollen bloody gums.
It rolled onto It’s back and looked up at Him and Stacey, both doubled over in laughter, and finally It felt hopelessness set in.
It closed eyes and gave in as It’s body shook, It was overcome with violent sobs.
And the It heard a zipping sound, It opens It’s eyes in just enough time to see Him pull His dick out and unleash a stream of piss down on It and the former neighbors.
It pulled it’s arms under It’s legs, getting them back in front of It and tried to crawl to the edge, out of the path of His flow as He continued to cackle.
It put It’s hand on what felt like a solid hand hold only to have it rip through the flesh into the still bile filled stomach of Mrs. Shapiro.

He zipped His pants back up, and just then It’s worse fear came true as Stacey’s 2 younger siblings called down the stairs for Their mother.
“Hey, come on down, guys. Mommy has a surprise for you.” Stacey called up to them.
Sheila could hear them coming down the stairs, Her heart broke at the horror Her 2 sweet baby boys were about to walk into.

To be continued…


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And finally!
As we all see almost daily, this world is a hard shitty place filled with people out to do harm.
Go out and do the exact opposite, in any way you can, try to make the world a little less shitty.

Thanks for reading, I hope to see you back here soon.